diff --git a/deb/DEBIAN/control b/deb/DEBIAN/control
deleted file mode 100644
index 208a4a6..0000000
--- a/deb/DEBIAN/control
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,9 +0,0 @@
-Package: rowbot
-Version: 1.0-0
-Section: base
-Priority: optional
-Architecture: i386
-Depends: socat (>= 1.7.3)
-Maintainer: Nick Chambers <nchambers@securitea.app>
-Description: Rowbot
- A smol bot for remembering things
diff --git a/deb/usr/local/bin/rowbot b/deb/usr/local/bin/rowbot
deleted file mode 100755
index ab91da6..0000000
--- a/deb/usr/local/bin/rowbot
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,1197 +0,0 @@
-#!/usr/bin/env bash
-
-###
-# lore
-###
-
-export LORE_THIS_RELOAD
-printf -v LORE_THIS_RELOAD '%(%s)T' -1
-
-if [[ ! -v LORE_START_TIME ]]; then
-  export LORE_START_TIME=$LORE_THIS_RELOAD
-fi
-
-if [[ ! -v LORE_LONGEST_LIFE ]]; then
-  export LORE_LONGEST_LIFE=0
-elif (( LORE_LONGEST_LIFE < SECONDS )); then
-  export LORE_LONGEST_LIFE=$SECONDS
-fi
-
-if [[ -v LORE_LIVES ]]; then
-  (( LORE_LIVES += 1 ))
-else
-  export LORE_LIVES=1
-fi
-
-###
-# switch toggler
-###
-
-shopt -s nullglob dotglob extglob
-
-###
-# logger
-###
-
-declare -A levels=(
-  [debug]=1 [info]=2
-  [warn]=3 [error]=4
-)
-
-log() {
-  if [[ -v LEVEL ]] && (( levels[$level] <= levels[$LEVEL] )); then
-    printf "%s: $1\n" "${LEVEL^^}" "${@:2}" >&"$log_fd"
-  fi
-}
-
-debug() {
-  LEVEL=debug log "$@"
-}
-
-info() {
-  LEVEL=info log "$@"
-}
-
-warn() {
-  LEVEL=warn log "$@"
-}
-
-error() {
-  LEVEL=error log "$@"
-}
-
-###
-# utilities
-###
-
-has() {
-  hash "$1" 2>/dev/null
-}
-
-die() {
-  local status=1
-
-  if (( $# > 1 )) && [[ $1 = -s ]]; then
-    status=$2
-    shift
-    shift
-  fi
-
-  error "$@"
-  exit "$status"
-}
-
-is-parent() {
-  (( BASHPID == $$ ))
-}
-
-is-channel() {
-  [[ ${1:0:1} = \# ]]
-}
-
-is-bot() {
-  local score=0
-
-  if [[ ${args[-1]:0:3} = $'\xe2\x80\x8b' ]]; then
-    (( score += 100 ))
-  fi
-
-  if [[ $from = *-bot ]]; then
-    (( score += 30 ))
-  elif [[ $from = *bot ]]; then
-    (( score += 15 ))
-  fi
-
-  if [[ /$host/ = */bot/* ]]; then
-    (( score += 100 ))
-  fi
-
-  if [[ ${args[-1]} = '['*']' ]]; then
-    (( score += 20 ))
-  fi
-
-  printf %d "$score"
-}
-
-is-log-level() {
-  local level
-
-  for level in "${!levels[@]}"; do
-    if [[ ${1,,} = "$level" ]]; then
-      return 0
-    fi
-  done
-
-  return 1
-}
-
-seconds() {
-  local days hours minutes seconds time
-  (( days = $1 / 60 / 60 / 24 ))
-  (( hours = $1 / 60 / 60 % 24 ))
-  (( minutes = $1 / 60 % 60 ))
-  (( seconds = $1 % 60 ))
-
-  if (( days )); then
-    if (( days == 1 )); then
-      time="1 day"
-    else
-      time="$days day"
-    fi
-  fi
-
-  if (( hours )); then
-    if [[ $time ]]; then
-      time+=", "
-    fi
-
-    time+="$hours hour"
-
-    if (( hours > 1 )); then
-      time+=s
-    fi
-  fi
-
-  if (( minutes )); then
-    if [[ $time ]]; then
-      time+=", "
-    fi
-
-    time+="$minutes minute"
-
-    if (( minutes > 1 )); then
-      time+=s
-    fi
-  fi
-
-  if [[ $time ]]; then
-    time+=" and "
-  fi
-
-  time+="$seconds second"
-
-  if (( seconds > 1 )); then
-    time+=s
-  fi
-
-  printf -- %s "$time"
-}
-
-###
-# argument parser for parsing arguments
-###
-
-original_args=( "$@" )
-declare -A opts
-
-while (( $# )); do
-  case $1 in
-  --*=*)
-    key=${1#--} key=${key%%=*}
-    opts[$key]=${1#--*=}
-    ;;
-  --no-*)
-    key=${1#--no-}
-    opts[$key]=no
-    ;;
-  --)
-    shift
-    break
-    ;;
-  --*)
-    key=${1#--}
-    opts[$key]=yes
-    ;;
-  *)
-    break
-  esac
-
-  shift
-done
-
-prog_args=( "$@" )
-
-###
-# default config
-###
-
-server=irc.libera.chat port=6667 tls=no client_cert=
-nick=rowbot-dev ident=rowbot realname=rowbot chan=
-trigger=\` fact_root=. reload=no level=info log_fd=1 log=
-sys_root=sysfacts owner=${USER:-uplime} dev=no markov_seed=
-overwrite=no
-
-###
-# apply custom config
-###
-
-for file do
-  if [[ -f $file ]]; then
-    # These files are provided dynamically at run-time.
-    # shellcheck disable=SC1090
-    . "$file" # ha, dot file
-  else
-    die "could not locate config file %s" "$file"
-  fi
-done
-
-###
-# apply command line options
-###
-
-if [[ -v opts[tls] ]]; then
-  tls=${opts[tls]}
-fi
-
-# This is a false positive.
-# shellcheck disable=SC2102
-if [[ -v opts[level] ]]; then
-  if is-log-level "${opts[level]}"; then
-    level=${opts[level],,}
-  else
-    die "%s is not a valid logging level" "${opts[level]}"
-  fi
-fi
-
-if [[ $tls = yes ]]; then
-  # This is a false positive.
-  # shellcheck disable=SC2102
-  if ! has socat; then
-    die "please install socat to use tls with rowbot."
-  elif [[ -v opts[client-cert] ]]; then
-    client_cert=${opts[client-cert]}
-  fi
-
-  port=6697
-fi
-
-config=(
-  server port nick ident realname chan trigger
-  fact_root reload dev log owner sys_root reload
-  markov_seed
-)
-
-for opt in "${config[@]}"; do
-  declare -n config_var=$opt
-  cmd_arg=${opt//_/-}
-
-  if [[ -v opts[$cmd_arg] ]]; then
-    # This variable is only used for assignment.
-    # shellcheck disable=SC2034
-    config_var=${opts[$cmd_arg]}
-  fi
-done
-
-if [[ $log && $reload = no ]]; then
-  if [[ $overwrite = yes ]]; then
-    exec {log_fd}>"$log"
-  else
-    exec {log_fd}>>"$log"
-  fi
-fi
-
-###
-# apply reloaded values
-###
-
-if [[ $markov_seed ]]; then
-  if [[ -f $markov_seed ]]; then
-    debug "loading markov seed file"
-
-    declare -A markov_chains enabled
-    read -ra words < "$markov_seed"
-
-    for (( idx = 0; idx < ${#words[@]} - 2; idx++ )); do
-      key="${words[$idx]} ${words[$idx + 1]}"
-
-      if [[ -z ${markov_chains[$key]} ]]; then
-        markov_chains[$key]=${words[$idx + 2]}
-      else
-        markov_chains[$key]+=" ${words[$idx + 2]}"
-      fi
-    done
-  else
-    die "seed file does not exist: %s" "$markov_seed"
-  fi
-fi
-
-if [[ $reload = yes ]]; then
-  if [[ -v RECORDING ]]; then
-    IFS=, read -ra recording <<< "$RECORDING"
-
-    for pair in "${recording[@]}"; do
-      enabled[${pair%=*}]=${pair##*=}
-    done
-  fi
-
-  reload_vars=(
-    nick ident host level log log_fd alarm_pid tls_pid in_sock
-    out_sock sock_dir sys_root fact_root dev trigger registered
-    keep_trying desired_nick overwrite
-  )
-
-  for var in "${reload_vars[@]}"; do
-    env_var=${var^^}
-    declare -n reload_var=$var
-
-    if [[ -v $env_var ]]; then
-      # This variable is only used for assignment.
-      # shellcheck disable=SC2034
-      reload_var=${!env_var}
-    fi
-  done
-fi
-
-###
-# process/resource management
-###
-
-cleanup() {
-  debug "reaping rowbot's children"
-
-  if [[ -v alarm_pid ]]; then
-    debug "killing alarm process (%d) from %d" "$alarm_pid" "$BASHPID"
-    kill "$alarm_pid"
-  fi
-
-  if [[ -v tls_pid ]]; then
-    debug "killing tls process (%d) from %d" "$tls_pid" "$BASHPID"
-    kill "$tls_pid"
-    rm -rf "$sock_dir"
-  fi
-
-  if [[ -v tls_pid || $tls = no ]]; then
-    exec {in_sock}>&- {out_sock}>&-
-
-    if (( log_fd != 1 )); then
-      exec {log_fd}>&-
-    fi
-  fi
-}
-
-if is-parent; then
-  trap cleanup EXIT
-fi
-
-alarm-handler() {
-  ping "row your bot gently down the stream"
-
-  if [[ $keep_trying = yes ]]; then
-    info "trying for %s again" "$desired_nick"
-    nick "$desired_nick"
-  fi
-}
-
-trap alarm-handler ALRM
-
-config-reload() {
-  local file key recording
-  info "received HUP signal"
-
-  for file in "${prog_args[@]}"; do
-    if [[ -f $file ]]; then
-      debug "loading config file %s" "$file"
-      # These files are provided dynamically at run-time.
-      # shellcheck disable=SC1090
-      . "$file"
-    else
-      die "could not locate config file %s" "$file"
-    fi
-  done
-
-  if (( log_fd != 1 )); then
-    debug "closing and re-opening log"
-    exec {log_fd}>&-
-
-    if [[ $overwrite = yes ]]; then
-      exec {log_fd}>"$log"
-    else
-      exec {log_fd}>>"$log"
-    fi
-  fi
-
-  if [[ -v markov_chains[@] ]]; then
-    for key in "${!enabled[@]}"; do
-      # This is a scalar string, not an array.
-      # shellcheck disable=SC2179
-      recording+=",$key=${enabled[$key]}"
-    done
-
-    export RECORDING=${recording#,}
-  fi
-
-  reload_vars=(
-    nick ident host level log log_fd alarm_pid tls_pid in_sock
-    out_sock sock_dir sys_root fact_root dev trigger registered
-    keep_trying desired_nick overwrite
-  )
-
-  for env_var in "${reload_vars[@]}"; do
-    export "${env_var^^}"="${!env_var}"
-  done
-
-  if (( SECONDS > LORE_LONGEST_LIFE )); then
-    export LORE_LONGEST_LIFE=$SECONDS
-  fi
-
-  info "reloading rowbot"
-  exec "$0" --reload "${original_args[@]}"
-}
-
-trap config-reload HUP
-
-###
-# net code
-###
-
-if [[ $reload = no && $tls = yes ]]; then
-  sock_dir=$(mktemp -d)
-  mkfifo "$sock_dir"/rb{in,out}
-
-  if [[ $client_cert ]]; then
-    if [[ ! -f $client_cert ]]; then
-      die "client certificate not found: %s" "$client_cert"
-    fi
-
-    conn_args=OPENSSL:$server:$port,cert=$client_cert
-  else
-    conn_args=OPENSSL:$server:$port
-  fi
-
-  socat "$conn_args" - <"$sock_dir"/rbin >"$sock_dir"/rbout &
-  tls_pid=$!
-  exec {out_sock}>"$sock_dir"/rbin {in_sock}<"$sock_dir"/rbout
-  debug "created tls connection (pid %d)" "$tls_pid"
-elif [[ $reload = no ]]; then
-  exec {sock}<>/dev/tcp/"$server"/"$port"
-  in_sock=$sock out_sock=$sock
-  debug "created plaintext connection"
-fi
-
-send() {
-  local fmt
-  # As this is a printf wrapper, the format string is provided as an argument.
-  # shellcheck disable=SC2059
-  printf -v fmt "$1" "${@:2}"
-  printf '%s\r\n' "$fmt" >&"$out_sock"
-  debug "sending line: %s" "$fmt"
-}
-
-recv() {
-  declare -n sock_line=$1
-  IFS= read -r "$1" <&"$in_sock"
-  sock_line=${sock_line%$'\r'}
-  debug "received line: %s" "$sock_line"
-}
-
-###
-# irc recv code
-###
-
-on_ERROR() {
-  error "${args[0]}"
-  exit
-}
-
-on_JOIN() {
-  info "%s has joined %s" "$from" "${args[0]}"
-}
-
-on_KICK() {
-  if (( ${#args[@]} == 3 )); then
-    info "%s has kicked %s from %s: %s" "$from" "${args[1]}" "${args[0]}" "${args[-1]}"
-  else
-    info "%s has kicked %s from %s" "$from" "${args[1]}" "${args[0]}"
-  fi
-}
-
-on_MODE() {
-  if (( ${#args[@]} == 2 )); then
-    info "%s sets mode(s) %s on %s" "$from" "${args[1]}" "${args[0]}"
-  elif (( ${#args[@]} > 2 )); then
-    info "%s: %s sets mode(s) %s" "${args[0]}" "$from" "${args[*]:1}"
-  fi
-}
-
-on_NICK() {
-  if [[ $from = "$nick" ]]; then
-    nick=${args[0]}
-  fi
-
-  info "%s has changed their name to %s" "$from" "${args[0]}"
-}
-
-on_NOTICE() {
-  info "[%s/%s] %s" "$from" "${args[0]}" "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_PART() {
-  if (( ${#args[@]} > 1 )); then
-    info "%s has left %s: %s" "$from" "${args[0]}" "${args[1]}"
-  else
-    info "%s has left %s" "$from" "${args[0]}"
-  fi
-}
-
-on_PING() {
-  pong "${args[1]}"
-  debug "received ping: %s" "${args[0]}"
-}
-
-on_PONG() {
-  debug "received pong: %s" "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_PRIVMSG() {
-  info "<%s/%s> %s" "$from" "${args[0]}" "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_TOPIC() {
-  info "%s has changed the topic for %s: %s" "$from" "${args[0]}" "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_QUIT() {
-  info "%s has disconnected: %s" "$from" "${args[0]}"
-}
-
-on_001() {
-  info %s "${args[1]}"
-
-  if [[ $chan ]]; then
-    join "$chan"
-  fi
-
-  {
-    debug "timer pid is %d" "$BASHPID"
-
-    while true; do
-      kill -ALRM "$$"
-      sleep 10
-    done
-  } &
-
-  alarm_pid=$!
-  nick=${args[0]}
-  registered=yes
-  who "$nick" %%uht,42
-}
-
-on_002() {
-  info %s "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_003() {
-  info %s "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_004() {
-  debug "%s " "${args[@]:1}"
-}
-
-declare -A isupport
-
-on_005() {
-  local param key value
-
-  for param in "${args[@]:1:${#args[@]}-2}"; do
-    # This is a valid assignment, not a comparison.
-    # shellcheck disable=SC1097
-    IFS== read -r key value <<< "$param"
-    # While isupport is unused, it's still there in case later code wants to
-    # use it.
-    # shellcheck disable=SC2034
-    isupport[$key]=$value
-    debug "isupport: %s = %s" "$key" "$value"
-  done
-}
-
-on_250() {
-  info %s "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_251() {
-  info %s "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_252() {
-  info "There are %d operators online" "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_253() {
-  info "There are %d unknown connections" "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_254() {
-  info "There are %d channels formed" "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_255() {
-  info %s "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_265() {
-  info %s "${args[3]}"
-}
-
-on_266() {
-  info %s "${args[3]}"
-}
-
-on_315() {
-  debug "end of WHO for %s" "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_332() {
-  info "topic for %s is %s" "${args[1]}" "${args[2]}"
-}
-
-on_333() {
-  local date
-  printf -v date '%(%c)T' "${args[3]}"
-  info "topic for %s set by %s at %s" "${args[1]}" "${args[2]}" "$date"
-}
-
-on_353() {
-  info "members of %s: %s" "${args[2]}" "${args[3]}"
-}
-
-on_354() {
-  if (( args[1] == 42 )); then
-    debug "received the identifying who"
-    ident=${args[2]} host=${args[3]}
-    debug "ident=%s host=%s" "$ident" "$host"
-  fi
-}
-
-on_366() {
-  debug "%s: end of NAMES list" "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_372() {
-  info %s "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_375() {
-  debug %s "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_376() {
-  debug %s "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_433() {
-  info "somebody is already using %s" "${args[1]}"
-
-  if [[ $registered = no ]]; then
-    nick "${nick}_"
-  fi
-}
-
-on_438() {
-  error "${args[1]} couldn't change their nick to ${args[2]}: ${args[-1]}"
-}
-
-on_473() {
-  error "%s: %s" "${args[1]}" "${args[2]}"
-}
-
-###
-# irc send code
-###
-
-join() {
-  send "JOIN %s" "$1"
-}
-
-nick() {
-  send "NICK %s" "$1"
-}
-
-notice() {
-  if [[ -v host ]]; then
-    local msg_len msg=$2
-    (( msg_len = 494 - (${#nick} + ${#ident} + ${#host} + ${#1}) ))
-    debug "max message length is %d" "$msg_len"
-
-    while (( ${#msg} > msg_len )); do
-      send "NOTICE %s :"$'\xe2\x80\x8b'"%s" "$1" "${msg:0:$msg_len}"
-      info "[%s/%s] %s" "$nick" "$1" "${msg:0:$msg_len}"
-      msg=${msg:$msg_len}
-    done
-  fi
-
-  send "NOTICE %s :%s" "$1" "$2"
-  info "[%s/%s] %s" "$nick" "$1" "$2"
-}
-
-part() {
-  if (( $# )); then
-    if (( $# > 1 )); then
-      send "PART $1 :$2"
-    else
-      send "PART $1"
-    fi
-  fi
-}
-
-ping() {
-  send "PING :%s" "$1"
-}
-
-pong() {
-  send "PONG %s" "$1"
-}
-
-privmsg() {
-  if [[ -v host ]]; then
-    local msg_len msg=$2
-    (( msg_len = 493 - (${#nick} + ${#ident} + ${#host} + ${#1}) ))
-    debug "max message length is %d" "$msg_len"
-
-    while (( ${#msg} > msg_len )); do
-      send "PRIVMSG %s :"$'\xe2\x80\x8b'"%s" "$1" "${msg:0:$msg_len}"
-      info "<%s/%s> %s" "$nick" "$1" "${msg:0:$msg_len}"
-      msg=${msg:$msg_len}
-    done
-  fi
-
-  send "PRIVMSG %s :"$'\xe2\x80\x8b'"%s" "$1" "$msg"
-  info "<%s/%s> %s" "$nick" "$1" "$msg"
-}
-
-quit() {
-  if (( $# )); then
-    send "QUIT :%s" "$1"
-  else
-    send QUIT
-  fi
-}
-
-user() {
-  send "USER %s 0 * :%s" "$ident" "$realname"
-}
-
-who() {
-  if (( $# > 1 )); then
-    send "WHO %s %s" "$1" "$2"
-  else
-    send "WHO %s" "$1"
-  fi
-}
-
-###
-# app hooks
-###
-
-hook_pre_PRIVMSG_nolog() {
-  local words
-  read -ra words <<< "${args[-1]}"
-
-  if [[ ${words[0]} = "[nolog]" || ${words[0]} = nolog: ]]; then
-    info "this message was redacted"
-    return 1
-  else
-    return 0
-  fi
-}
-
-hook_pre_PRIVMSG_CTCP() {
-  if [[ ${args[1]} != $'\x01'*$'\x01' ]]; then
-    return 0
-  fi
-
-  local cmd msg
-  cmd=${args[1]#$'\x01'} cmd=${cmd%% *}
-  msg=${args[1]#* } msg=${msg%$'\x01'}
-
-  if [[ ${cmd^^} = ACTION ]]; then
-    if [[ ${args[0]:0:1} = \# ]]; then
-      info "ctcp: %s: %s %s" "${args[0]}" "$from" "$msg"
-    else
-      info "privately, %s %s" "$from" "$msg"
-    fi
-
-    return 1
-  elif [[ ${args[0]:0:1} = \# ]]; then
-    info "ctcp: %s has requested %s in %s" "$from" "${cmd^^}" "${args[0]}"
-    return 1
-  fi
-
-  info "ctcp: sending %s to %s" "${cmd^^}" "$from"
-
-  case ${cmd^^} in
-  CLIENTINFO)
-    notice "$from" $'\x01'"CLIENTINFO ACTION CLIENTINFO PING SOURCE TIME VERSION"$'\x01'
-    ;;
-  PING)
-    local msg
-    msg=${args[1]#* } msg=${msg%$'\x01'}
-    notice "$from" $'\x01'"PING $msg"$'\x01'
-    ;;
-  SOURCE)
-    notice "$from" $'\x01'"SOURCE https://ahti.space/git/uplime/rowbot"$'\x01'
-    ;;
-  TIME)
-    notice "$from" $'\x01'"TIME time for you to get a watch"$'\x01'
-    ;;
-  VERSION)
-    notice "$from" $'\x01'"VERSION rowbot v2"$'\x01'
-  esac
-
-  return 1
-}
-
-hook_post_PRIVMSG_markov() {
-  if [[ ! -v markov_chains[@] ]]; then
-    return 0
-  elif [[ ${to:0:1} = \# && ${enabled[$to]} != yes ]]; then
-    return 0
-  elif (( ${#action_args[@]} < 3 )); then
-    return 0
-  fi
-
-  local idx key
-
-  for (( idx = 0; idx < ${#action_args[@]} - 2; idx++ )); do
-    key="${action_args[$idx]} ${action_args[$idx + 1]}"
-
-    if [[ -z ${markov_chains[$key]} ]]; then
-      markov_chains[$key]=${words[$idx + 2]}
-    else
-      markov_chains[$key]+=" ${words[$idx + 2]}"
-    fi
-  done
-}
-
-hook_cmd_markov() {
-  local keys idx key str chains next vals val_idx
-
-  if [[ ! -v markov_chains[@] ]]; then
-    if [[ $action = markov ]]; then
-      privmsg "$to" "markov chains are not enabled"
-    fi
-
-    return 0
-  fi
-
-  case $action in
-  enable)
-    if (( ${#action_args[@]} )); then
-      enabled[${action_args[0]}]=yes
-      privmsg "$to" "now recording ${action_args[0]}"
-    else
-      enabled[$to]=yes
-      privmsg "$to" "now recording $to"
-    fi
-    ;;
-  disable)
-    if (( ${#action_args[@]} )); then
-      enabled[${action_args[0]}]=no
-      privmsg "$to" "no longer recording ${action_args[0]}"
-    else
-      enabled[$to]=yes
-      privmsg "$to" "no longer recording $to"
-    fi
-    ;;
-  enabled\?)
-    if [[ ${to:0:1} != \# || ${enabled[$to]} = yes ]]; then
-      privmsg "$to" "yes, I am recording $to for markov chains."
-    else
-      privmsg "$to" "no, I am not recording $to for markov chains"
-    fi
-    ;;
-  markov)
-    keys=("${!markov_chains[@]}")
-    (( idx = RANDOM % ${#keys[@]} ))
-    key=${keys[$idx]} str=$key
-    chains=0
-
-    while [[ -v markov_chains[$key] ]] && (( chains++ < 100 )); do
-      read -ra vals <<< "${markov_chains[$key]}"
-      (( val_idx = RANDOM % ${#vals[@]} ))
-      next="$key ${vals[$val_idx]}" next=${next#* }
-      str+=" ${next#* }" key=$next
-    done
-
-    privmsg "$to" "$from: $str"
-  esac
-}
-
-hook_cmd_factoids() {
-  local key val facts msg
-
-  case $action in
-  is)
-    key=${action_line%% *}
-
-    if [[ $key = "$action_line" ]]; then
-      privmsg "$to" "$from: no fact provided"
-      return 0
-    fi
-
-    val=${action_line#"$key" }
-    privmsg "$to" "I'm sure I'll remember that."
-    mkdir -p "$fact_root"/"$to"
-    printf %s "$val" > "$fact_root"/"$to"/"$key"
-    ;;
-  isnt)
-    if [[ -f $fact_root/$to/$action_line ]]; then
-      privmsg "$to" "I forgot what that was anyways."
-      rm -f "$fact_root"/"$to"/"$action_line"
-    fi
-    ;;
-  ls)
-    facts=( "$fact_root"/"$to"/* )
-    privmsg "$to" "${facts[*]##*/}"
-    ;;
-  *)
-    if [[ -f $fact_root/$to/$action ]]; then
-      msg=$(<"$fact_root"/"$to"/"$action")
-
-      if [[ ${action_args[0]} = \> ]] && (( ${#action_args[@]} > 1 )); then
-        privmsg "$to" "${action_args[-1]}: $msg"
-      else
-        privmsg "$to" "$from: $msg"
-      fi
-    fi
-  esac
-}
-
-hook_cmd_sysroot() {
-  if [[ -d $sys_root && $action = sysfact ]]; then
-    local files=( "$sys_root"/* ) idx msg
-
-    if (( ${#files[@]} )); then
-      (( idx = RANDOM % ${#files[@]} ))
-      msg=$(<"${files[$idx]}")
-      privmsg "$to" "sysfact #$(( idx + 1 )): $msg"
-    fi
-  fi
-}
-
-hook_cmd_control_panel() {
-  if [[ $from != "$owner" && $dev != yes ]]; then
-    if [[ $action = @(raw|join|reload|level|dev|dev\?|trigger|cycle|dev) ]]; then
-      privmsg "$to" "$from is not in the sudoers file.  This incident will be reported."
-      info "security breach from %s in sector %s" "$from" "$to"
-    fi
-
-    return 0
-  fi
-
-  local channel key recording env_var reload_vars recipient msg
-
-  case $action in
-  raw)
-    info "%s is executing command: %s" "$from" "$action_line"
-    send "$action_line"
-    ;;
-  join)
-    for channel in "${action_args[@]}"; do
-      join "$channel"
-      privmsg "$to" "joined $channel"
-    done
-    ;;
-  reload)
-    if [[ -v markov_chains[@] ]]; then
-      for key in "${!enabled[@]}"; do
-        recording+=",$key=${enabled[$key]}"
-      done
-
-      export RECORDING=${recording#,}
-    fi
-
-    reload_vars=(
-      nick ident host level log log_fd alarm_pid tls_pid in_sock
-      out_sock sock_dir sys_root fact_root dev trigger registered
-      keep_trying desired_nick to overwrite
-    )
-
-    for env_var in "${reload_vars[@]}"; do
-      export "${env_var^^}"="${!env_var}"
-    done
-
-    if (( SECONDS > LORE_LONGEST_LIFE )); then
-      export LORE_LONGEST_LIFE=$SECONDS
-    fi
-
-    privmsg "$to" "reloading..."
-    exec "$0" --reload "${original_args[@]}"
-    ;;
-  level)
-    if is-log-level "${action_args[0]}"; then
-      level=${action_args[0],,}
-      privmsg "$to" "log level is now set to $level"
-    else
-      privmsg "$to" "${action_args[0]} is not a valid logging level"
-    fi
-    ;;
-  dev)
-    if [[ $dev = yes ]]; then
-      dev=no
-      privmsg "$to" "developer mode disabled"
-    else
-      dev=yes
-      privmsg "$to" "developer mode enabled"
-    fi
-    ;;
-  dev\?)
-    if [[ $dev = yes ]]; then
-      privmsg "$to" "developer mode is enabled"
-    else
-      privmsg "$to" "developer mode is disabled"
-    fi
-    ;;
-  trigger)
-    trigger=${action_args[0]}
-    privmsg "$to" "trigger is now '$trigger'"
-    ;;
-  cycle)
-    privmsg "$to" "cycling channel $to"
-    part "$to" "be right back!"
-    join "$to"
-    ;;
-  msg)
-    recipient=${action_line%% *}
-    msg=${action_line#"$recipient"* }
-    read -r msg <<< "$msg"
-    privmsg "$recipient" "$msg"
-    privmsg "$to" "sent message to $recipient"
-    ;;
-  dashboard|lore)
-    declare -p LORE_LONGEST_LIFE
-    privmsg "$to" "legend began on $(printf '%(%c)T' "$LORE_START_TIME")"
-    privmsg "$to" "this life began on $(printf '%(%c)T' "$LORE_THIS_RELOAD")"
-
-    if (( LORE_LONGEST_LIFE > SECONDS )); then
-      privmsg "$to" "longest life so far was $(seconds "$LORE_LONGEST_LIFE")"
-    else
-      privmsg "$to" "longest life so far is $(seconds "$SECONDS") (this one)"
-    fi
-
-    privmsg "$to" "lived $LORE_LIVES times"
-  esac
-}
-
-hook_post_433_alternick() {
-  if [[ -z $desired_nick && $registered = no ]]; then
-    desired_nick=${args[1]}
-    keep_trying=yes
-  fi
-}
-
-hook_post_NICK_alternick() {
-  if [[ ${args[0]} = "$desired_nick" ]]; then
-    keep_trying=no
-    info "obtained nick %s" "$desired_nick"
-  fi
-}
-
-###
-# driver
-###
-
-if [[ $reload = yes ]]; then
-  if [[ -v TO ]]; then
-    privmsg "$TO" done.
-    unset TO
-  else
-    info done.
-  fi
-else
-  registered=no
-  info "rowbot's pid is %d" "$BASHPID"
-  nick "$nick"
-  user "$ident" "$realname"
-fi
-
-# Always available:
-#   - from: name of the entity sending the message
-#   - ident: username of the entity sending the message
-#   - host: host of the entity sending the message
-#   - cmd: IRC command or numeric
-#   - args: array of arguments to the command
-
-# Available if `cmd` is set to "privmsg":
-#   - to: location to send the message back to
-
-# Additionally, if args[-1] starts with the trigger:
-#   - action: directive specified by the sender
-#   - action_line: data sent by the sender without the trigger or action
-#   - action_args: words sent by the sender without the trigger or action
-
-while recv line; do
-  args=( )
-  orig_line=$line
-
-  if [[ ${line:0:1} = : ]]; then
-    src=${line%% *} src=${src#:}
-    line=${line#:"$src"} line=${line# }
-    from=${src%@*} ident=${from#*!}
-    from=${from%!*} host=${src#*@}
-  fi
-
-  cmd=${line%% *}
-  line=${line#"$cmd"}
-  line=${line# }
-
-  while [[ $line ]]; do
-    if [[ ${line:0:1} = : ]]; then
-      args+=( "${line:1}" )
-      line=""
-    else
-      arg=${line%% *}
-      args+=( "$arg" )
-      line=${line#"$arg"} line=${line# }
-    fi
-  done
-
-  is_action=no
-
-  if [[ ${cmd^^} = PRIVMSG ]]; then
-    to=${args[0]} last=${args[-1]}
-
-    if [[ ${to:0:1} != \# ]]; then
-      to=$from
-    fi
-
-    if [[ $last = "$trigger"* ]]; then
-      is_action=yes
-      bot_score=$(is-bot)
-      action=${last#"$trigger"} action=${action%% *}
-      action_line=${last#"$trigger$action" }
-      read -r action_line <<< "$action_line"
-      read -ra action_args <<< "$action_line"
-      debug "bot score: %d" "$bot_score"
-    fi
-  fi
-
-  skip_handler=0
-
-  while IFS= read -r hook; do
-    "$hook"
-    (( skip_handler |= $? ))
-  done < <(compgen -A function "hook_pre_${cmd^^}_")
-
-  if has "on_${cmd^^}"; then
-    if (( ! skip_handler )); then
-      "on_${cmd^^}"
-    else
-      debug "handler for %s was skipped" "${cmd^^}"
-    fi
-  else
-   warn "unhandled line: %s" "$orig_line"
-  fi
-
-  while IFS= read -r hook; do
-    "$hook"
-  done < <(compgen -A function "hook_post_${cmd^^}_")
-
-  if [[ $is_action = yes ]] && (( bot_score < 40 )); then
-    while IFS= read -r hook; do
-      "$hook"
-    done < <(compgen -A function "hook_cmd_")
-  fi
-
-  unset to
-done
diff --git a/rowbot b/rowbot
deleted file mode 120000
index ff5c180..0000000
--- a/rowbot
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1 +0,0 @@
-deb/usr/local/bin/rowbot
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/rowbot b/rowbot
new file mode 100755
index 0000000..ab91da6
--- /dev/null
+++ b/rowbot
@@ -0,0 +1,1197 @@
+#!/usr/bin/env bash
+
+###
+# lore
+###
+
+export LORE_THIS_RELOAD
+printf -v LORE_THIS_RELOAD '%(%s)T' -1
+
+if [[ ! -v LORE_START_TIME ]]; then
+  export LORE_START_TIME=$LORE_THIS_RELOAD
+fi
+
+if [[ ! -v LORE_LONGEST_LIFE ]]; then
+  export LORE_LONGEST_LIFE=0
+elif (( LORE_LONGEST_LIFE < SECONDS )); then
+  export LORE_LONGEST_LIFE=$SECONDS
+fi
+
+if [[ -v LORE_LIVES ]]; then
+  (( LORE_LIVES += 1 ))
+else
+  export LORE_LIVES=1
+fi
+
+###
+# switch toggler
+###
+
+shopt -s nullglob dotglob extglob
+
+###
+# logger
+###
+
+declare -A levels=(
+  [debug]=1 [info]=2
+  [warn]=3 [error]=4
+)
+
+log() {
+  if [[ -v LEVEL ]] && (( levels[$level] <= levels[$LEVEL] )); then
+    printf "%s: $1\n" "${LEVEL^^}" "${@:2}" >&"$log_fd"
+  fi
+}
+
+debug() {
+  LEVEL=debug log "$@"
+}
+
+info() {
+  LEVEL=info log "$@"
+}
+
+warn() {
+  LEVEL=warn log "$@"
+}
+
+error() {
+  LEVEL=error log "$@"
+}
+
+###
+# utilities
+###
+
+has() {
+  hash "$1" 2>/dev/null
+}
+
+die() {
+  local status=1
+
+  if (( $# > 1 )) && [[ $1 = -s ]]; then
+    status=$2
+    shift
+    shift
+  fi
+
+  error "$@"
+  exit "$status"
+}
+
+is-parent() {
+  (( BASHPID == $$ ))
+}
+
+is-channel() {
+  [[ ${1:0:1} = \# ]]
+}
+
+is-bot() {
+  local score=0
+
+  if [[ ${args[-1]:0:3} = $'\xe2\x80\x8b' ]]; then
+    (( score += 100 ))
+  fi
+
+  if [[ $from = *-bot ]]; then
+    (( score += 30 ))
+  elif [[ $from = *bot ]]; then
+    (( score += 15 ))
+  fi
+
+  if [[ /$host/ = */bot/* ]]; then
+    (( score += 100 ))
+  fi
+
+  if [[ ${args[-1]} = '['*']' ]]; then
+    (( score += 20 ))
+  fi
+
+  printf %d "$score"
+}
+
+is-log-level() {
+  local level
+
+  for level in "${!levels[@]}"; do
+    if [[ ${1,,} = "$level" ]]; then
+      return 0
+    fi
+  done
+
+  return 1
+}
+
+seconds() {
+  local days hours minutes seconds time
+  (( days = $1 / 60 / 60 / 24 ))
+  (( hours = $1 / 60 / 60 % 24 ))
+  (( minutes = $1 / 60 % 60 ))
+  (( seconds = $1 % 60 ))
+
+  if (( days )); then
+    if (( days == 1 )); then
+      time="1 day"
+    else
+      time="$days day"
+    fi
+  fi
+
+  if (( hours )); then
+    if [[ $time ]]; then
+      time+=", "
+    fi
+
+    time+="$hours hour"
+
+    if (( hours > 1 )); then
+      time+=s
+    fi
+  fi
+
+  if (( minutes )); then
+    if [[ $time ]]; then
+      time+=", "
+    fi
+
+    time+="$minutes minute"
+
+    if (( minutes > 1 )); then
+      time+=s
+    fi
+  fi
+
+  if [[ $time ]]; then
+    time+=" and "
+  fi
+
+  time+="$seconds second"
+
+  if (( seconds > 1 )); then
+    time+=s
+  fi
+
+  printf -- %s "$time"
+}
+
+###
+# argument parser for parsing arguments
+###
+
+original_args=( "$@" )
+declare -A opts
+
+while (( $# )); do
+  case $1 in
+  --*=*)
+    key=${1#--} key=${key%%=*}
+    opts[$key]=${1#--*=}
+    ;;
+  --no-*)
+    key=${1#--no-}
+    opts[$key]=no
+    ;;
+  --)
+    shift
+    break
+    ;;
+  --*)
+    key=${1#--}
+    opts[$key]=yes
+    ;;
+  *)
+    break
+  esac
+
+  shift
+done
+
+prog_args=( "$@" )
+
+###
+# default config
+###
+
+server=irc.libera.chat port=6667 tls=no client_cert=
+nick=rowbot-dev ident=rowbot realname=rowbot chan=
+trigger=\` fact_root=. reload=no level=info log_fd=1 log=
+sys_root=sysfacts owner=${USER:-uplime} dev=no markov_seed=
+overwrite=no
+
+###
+# apply custom config
+###
+
+for file do
+  if [[ -f $file ]]; then
+    # These files are provided dynamically at run-time.
+    # shellcheck disable=SC1090
+    . "$file" # ha, dot file
+  else
+    die "could not locate config file %s" "$file"
+  fi
+done
+
+###
+# apply command line options
+###
+
+if [[ -v opts[tls] ]]; then
+  tls=${opts[tls]}
+fi
+
+# This is a false positive.
+# shellcheck disable=SC2102
+if [[ -v opts[level] ]]; then
+  if is-log-level "${opts[level]}"; then
+    level=${opts[level],,}
+  else
+    die "%s is not a valid logging level" "${opts[level]}"
+  fi
+fi
+
+if [[ $tls = yes ]]; then
+  # This is a false positive.
+  # shellcheck disable=SC2102
+  if ! has socat; then
+    die "please install socat to use tls with rowbot."
+  elif [[ -v opts[client-cert] ]]; then
+    client_cert=${opts[client-cert]}
+  fi
+
+  port=6697
+fi
+
+config=(
+  server port nick ident realname chan trigger
+  fact_root reload dev log owner sys_root reload
+  markov_seed
+)
+
+for opt in "${config[@]}"; do
+  declare -n config_var=$opt
+  cmd_arg=${opt//_/-}
+
+  if [[ -v opts[$cmd_arg] ]]; then
+    # This variable is only used for assignment.
+    # shellcheck disable=SC2034
+    config_var=${opts[$cmd_arg]}
+  fi
+done
+
+if [[ $log && $reload = no ]]; then
+  if [[ $overwrite = yes ]]; then
+    exec {log_fd}>"$log"
+  else
+    exec {log_fd}>>"$log"
+  fi
+fi
+
+###
+# apply reloaded values
+###
+
+if [[ $markov_seed ]]; then
+  if [[ -f $markov_seed ]]; then
+    debug "loading markov seed file"
+
+    declare -A markov_chains enabled
+    read -ra words < "$markov_seed"
+
+    for (( idx = 0; idx < ${#words[@]} - 2; idx++ )); do
+      key="${words[$idx]} ${words[$idx + 1]}"
+
+      if [[ -z ${markov_chains[$key]} ]]; then
+        markov_chains[$key]=${words[$idx + 2]}
+      else
+        markov_chains[$key]+=" ${words[$idx + 2]}"
+      fi
+    done
+  else
+    die "seed file does not exist: %s" "$markov_seed"
+  fi
+fi
+
+if [[ $reload = yes ]]; then
+  if [[ -v RECORDING ]]; then
+    IFS=, read -ra recording <<< "$RECORDING"
+
+    for pair in "${recording[@]}"; do
+      enabled[${pair%=*}]=${pair##*=}
+    done
+  fi
+
+  reload_vars=(
+    nick ident host level log log_fd alarm_pid tls_pid in_sock
+    out_sock sock_dir sys_root fact_root dev trigger registered
+    keep_trying desired_nick overwrite
+  )
+
+  for var in "${reload_vars[@]}"; do
+    env_var=${var^^}
+    declare -n reload_var=$var
+
+    if [[ -v $env_var ]]; then
+      # This variable is only used for assignment.
+      # shellcheck disable=SC2034
+      reload_var=${!env_var}
+    fi
+  done
+fi
+
+###
+# process/resource management
+###
+
+cleanup() {
+  debug "reaping rowbot's children"
+
+  if [[ -v alarm_pid ]]; then
+    debug "killing alarm process (%d) from %d" "$alarm_pid" "$BASHPID"
+    kill "$alarm_pid"
+  fi
+
+  if [[ -v tls_pid ]]; then
+    debug "killing tls process (%d) from %d" "$tls_pid" "$BASHPID"
+    kill "$tls_pid"
+    rm -rf "$sock_dir"
+  fi
+
+  if [[ -v tls_pid || $tls = no ]]; then
+    exec {in_sock}>&- {out_sock}>&-
+
+    if (( log_fd != 1 )); then
+      exec {log_fd}>&-
+    fi
+  fi
+}
+
+if is-parent; then
+  trap cleanup EXIT
+fi
+
+alarm-handler() {
+  ping "row your bot gently down the stream"
+
+  if [[ $keep_trying = yes ]]; then
+    info "trying for %s again" "$desired_nick"
+    nick "$desired_nick"
+  fi
+}
+
+trap alarm-handler ALRM
+
+config-reload() {
+  local file key recording
+  info "received HUP signal"
+
+  for file in "${prog_args[@]}"; do
+    if [[ -f $file ]]; then
+      debug "loading config file %s" "$file"
+      # These files are provided dynamically at run-time.
+      # shellcheck disable=SC1090
+      . "$file"
+    else
+      die "could not locate config file %s" "$file"
+    fi
+  done
+
+  if (( log_fd != 1 )); then
+    debug "closing and re-opening log"
+    exec {log_fd}>&-
+
+    if [[ $overwrite = yes ]]; then
+      exec {log_fd}>"$log"
+    else
+      exec {log_fd}>>"$log"
+    fi
+  fi
+
+  if [[ -v markov_chains[@] ]]; then
+    for key in "${!enabled[@]}"; do
+      # This is a scalar string, not an array.
+      # shellcheck disable=SC2179
+      recording+=",$key=${enabled[$key]}"
+    done
+
+    export RECORDING=${recording#,}
+  fi
+
+  reload_vars=(
+    nick ident host level log log_fd alarm_pid tls_pid in_sock
+    out_sock sock_dir sys_root fact_root dev trigger registered
+    keep_trying desired_nick overwrite
+  )
+
+  for env_var in "${reload_vars[@]}"; do
+    export "${env_var^^}"="${!env_var}"
+  done
+
+  if (( SECONDS > LORE_LONGEST_LIFE )); then
+    export LORE_LONGEST_LIFE=$SECONDS
+  fi
+
+  info "reloading rowbot"
+  exec "$0" --reload "${original_args[@]}"
+}
+
+trap config-reload HUP
+
+###
+# net code
+###
+
+if [[ $reload = no && $tls = yes ]]; then
+  sock_dir=$(mktemp -d)
+  mkfifo "$sock_dir"/rb{in,out}
+
+  if [[ $client_cert ]]; then
+    if [[ ! -f $client_cert ]]; then
+      die "client certificate not found: %s" "$client_cert"
+    fi
+
+    conn_args=OPENSSL:$server:$port,cert=$client_cert
+  else
+    conn_args=OPENSSL:$server:$port
+  fi
+
+  socat "$conn_args" - <"$sock_dir"/rbin >"$sock_dir"/rbout &
+  tls_pid=$!
+  exec {out_sock}>"$sock_dir"/rbin {in_sock}<"$sock_dir"/rbout
+  debug "created tls connection (pid %d)" "$tls_pid"
+elif [[ $reload = no ]]; then
+  exec {sock}<>/dev/tcp/"$server"/"$port"
+  in_sock=$sock out_sock=$sock
+  debug "created plaintext connection"
+fi
+
+send() {
+  local fmt
+  # As this is a printf wrapper, the format string is provided as an argument.
+  # shellcheck disable=SC2059
+  printf -v fmt "$1" "${@:2}"
+  printf '%s\r\n' "$fmt" >&"$out_sock"
+  debug "sending line: %s" "$fmt"
+}
+
+recv() {
+  declare -n sock_line=$1
+  IFS= read -r "$1" <&"$in_sock"
+  sock_line=${sock_line%$'\r'}
+  debug "received line: %s" "$sock_line"
+}
+
+###
+# irc recv code
+###
+
+on_ERROR() {
+  error "${args[0]}"
+  exit
+}
+
+on_JOIN() {
+  info "%s has joined %s" "$from" "${args[0]}"
+}
+
+on_KICK() {
+  if (( ${#args[@]} == 3 )); then
+    info "%s has kicked %s from %s: %s" "$from" "${args[1]}" "${args[0]}" "${args[-1]}"
+  else
+    info "%s has kicked %s from %s" "$from" "${args[1]}" "${args[0]}"
+  fi
+}
+
+on_MODE() {
+  if (( ${#args[@]} == 2 )); then
+    info "%s sets mode(s) %s on %s" "$from" "${args[1]}" "${args[0]}"
+  elif (( ${#args[@]} > 2 )); then
+    info "%s: %s sets mode(s) %s" "${args[0]}" "$from" "${args[*]:1}"
+  fi
+}
+
+on_NICK() {
+  if [[ $from = "$nick" ]]; then
+    nick=${args[0]}
+  fi
+
+  info "%s has changed their name to %s" "$from" "${args[0]}"
+}
+
+on_NOTICE() {
+  info "[%s/%s] %s" "$from" "${args[0]}" "${args[1]}"
+}
+
+on_PART() {
+  if (( ${#args[@]} > 1 )); then
+    info "%s has left %s: %s" "$from" "${args[0]}" "${args[1]}"
+  else
+    info "%s has left %s" "$from" "${args[0]}"
+  fi
+}
+
+on_PING() {
+  pong "${args[1]}"
+  debug "received ping: %s" "${args[0]}"
+}
+
+on_PONG() {
+  debug "received pong: %s" "${args[1]}"
+}
+
+on_PRIVMSG() {
+  info "<%s/%s> %s" "$from" "${args[0]}" "${args[1]}"
+}
+
+on_TOPIC() {
+  info "%s has changed the topic for %s: %s" "$from" "${args[0]}" "${args[1]}"
+}
+
+on_QUIT() {
+  info "%s has disconnected: %s" "$from" "${args[0]}"
+}
+
+on_001() {
+  info %s "${args[1]}"
+
+  if [[ $chan ]]; then
+    join "$chan"
+  fi
+
+  {
+    debug "timer pid is %d" "$BASHPID"
+
+    while true; do
+      kill -ALRM "$$"
+      sleep 10
+    done
+  } &
+
+  alarm_pid=$!
+  nick=${args[0]}
+  registered=yes
+  who "$nick" %%uht,42
+}
+
+on_002() {
+  info %s "${args[1]}"
+}
+
+on_003() {
+  info %s "${args[1]}"
+}
+
+on_004() {
+  debug "%s " "${args[@]:1}"
+}
+
+declare -A isupport
+
+on_005() {
+  local param key value
+
+  for param in "${args[@]:1:${#args[@]}-2}"; do
+    # This is a valid assignment, not a comparison.
+    # shellcheck disable=SC1097
+    IFS== read -r key value <<< "$param"
+    # While isupport is unused, it's still there in case later code wants to
+    # use it.
+    # shellcheck disable=SC2034
+    isupport[$key]=$value
+    debug "isupport: %s = %s" "$key" "$value"
+  done
+}
+
+on_250() {
+  info %s "${args[1]}"
+}
+
+on_251() {
+  info %s "${args[1]}"
+}
+
+on_252() {
+  info "There are %d operators online" "${args[1]}"
+}
+
+on_253() {
+  info "There are %d unknown connections" "${args[1]}"
+}
+
+on_254() {
+  info "There are %d channels formed" "${args[1]}"
+}
+
+on_255() {
+  info %s "${args[1]}"
+}
+
+on_265() {
+  info %s "${args[3]}"
+}
+
+on_266() {
+  info %s "${args[3]}"
+}
+
+on_315() {
+  debug "end of WHO for %s" "${args[1]}"
+}
+
+on_332() {
+  info "topic for %s is %s" "${args[1]}" "${args[2]}"
+}
+
+on_333() {
+  local date
+  printf -v date '%(%c)T' "${args[3]}"
+  info "topic for %s set by %s at %s" "${args[1]}" "${args[2]}" "$date"
+}
+
+on_353() {
+  info "members of %s: %s" "${args[2]}" "${args[3]}"
+}
+
+on_354() {
+  if (( args[1] == 42 )); then
+    debug "received the identifying who"
+    ident=${args[2]} host=${args[3]}
+    debug "ident=%s host=%s" "$ident" "$host"
+  fi
+}
+
+on_366() {
+  debug "%s: end of NAMES list" "${args[1]}"
+}
+
+on_372() {
+  info %s "${args[1]}"
+}
+
+on_375() {
+  debug %s "${args[1]}"
+}
+
+on_376() {
+  debug %s "${args[1]}"
+}
+
+on_433() {
+  info "somebody is already using %s" "${args[1]}"
+
+  if [[ $registered = no ]]; then
+    nick "${nick}_"
+  fi
+}
+
+on_438() {
+  error "${args[1]} couldn't change their nick to ${args[2]}: ${args[-1]}"
+}
+
+on_473() {
+  error "%s: %s" "${args[1]}" "${args[2]}"
+}
+
+###
+# irc send code
+###
+
+join() {
+  send "JOIN %s" "$1"
+}
+
+nick() {
+  send "NICK %s" "$1"
+}
+
+notice() {
+  if [[ -v host ]]; then
+    local msg_len msg=$2
+    (( msg_len = 494 - (${#nick} + ${#ident} + ${#host} + ${#1}) ))
+    debug "max message length is %d" "$msg_len"
+
+    while (( ${#msg} > msg_len )); do
+      send "NOTICE %s :"$'\xe2\x80\x8b'"%s" "$1" "${msg:0:$msg_len}"
+      info "[%s/%s] %s" "$nick" "$1" "${msg:0:$msg_len}"
+      msg=${msg:$msg_len}
+    done
+  fi
+
+  send "NOTICE %s :%s" "$1" "$2"
+  info "[%s/%s] %s" "$nick" "$1" "$2"
+}
+
+part() {
+  if (( $# )); then
+    if (( $# > 1 )); then
+      send "PART $1 :$2"
+    else
+      send "PART $1"
+    fi
+  fi
+}
+
+ping() {
+  send "PING :%s" "$1"
+}
+
+pong() {
+  send "PONG %s" "$1"
+}
+
+privmsg() {
+  if [[ -v host ]]; then
+    local msg_len msg=$2
+    (( msg_len = 493 - (${#nick} + ${#ident} + ${#host} + ${#1}) ))
+    debug "max message length is %d" "$msg_len"
+
+    while (( ${#msg} > msg_len )); do
+      send "PRIVMSG %s :"$'\xe2\x80\x8b'"%s" "$1" "${msg:0:$msg_len}"
+      info "<%s/%s> %s" "$nick" "$1" "${msg:0:$msg_len}"
+      msg=${msg:$msg_len}
+    done
+  fi
+
+  send "PRIVMSG %s :"$'\xe2\x80\x8b'"%s" "$1" "$msg"
+  info "<%s/%s> %s" "$nick" "$1" "$msg"
+}
+
+quit() {
+  if (( $# )); then
+    send "QUIT :%s" "$1"
+  else
+    send QUIT
+  fi
+}
+
+user() {
+  send "USER %s 0 * :%s" "$ident" "$realname"
+}
+
+who() {
+  if (( $# > 1 )); then
+    send "WHO %s %s" "$1" "$2"
+  else
+    send "WHO %s" "$1"
+  fi
+}
+
+###
+# app hooks
+###
+
+hook_pre_PRIVMSG_nolog() {
+  local words
+  read -ra words <<< "${args[-1]}"
+
+  if [[ ${words[0]} = "[nolog]" || ${words[0]} = nolog: ]]; then
+    info "this message was redacted"
+    return 1
+  else
+    return 0
+  fi
+}
+
+hook_pre_PRIVMSG_CTCP() {
+  if [[ ${args[1]} != $'\x01'*$'\x01' ]]; then
+    return 0
+  fi
+
+  local cmd msg
+  cmd=${args[1]#$'\x01'} cmd=${cmd%% *}
+  msg=${args[1]#* } msg=${msg%$'\x01'}
+
+  if [[ ${cmd^^} = ACTION ]]; then
+    if [[ ${args[0]:0:1} = \# ]]; then
+      info "ctcp: %s: %s %s" "${args[0]}" "$from" "$msg"
+    else
+      info "privately, %s %s" "$from" "$msg"
+    fi
+
+    return 1
+  elif [[ ${args[0]:0:1} = \# ]]; then
+    info "ctcp: %s has requested %s in %s" "$from" "${cmd^^}" "${args[0]}"
+    return 1
+  fi
+
+  info "ctcp: sending %s to %s" "${cmd^^}" "$from"
+
+  case ${cmd^^} in
+  CLIENTINFO)
+    notice "$from" $'\x01'"CLIENTINFO ACTION CLIENTINFO PING SOURCE TIME VERSION"$'\x01'
+    ;;
+  PING)
+    local msg
+    msg=${args[1]#* } msg=${msg%$'\x01'}
+    notice "$from" $'\x01'"PING $msg"$'\x01'
+    ;;
+  SOURCE)
+    notice "$from" $'\x01'"SOURCE https://ahti.space/git/uplime/rowbot"$'\x01'
+    ;;
+  TIME)
+    notice "$from" $'\x01'"TIME time for you to get a watch"$'\x01'
+    ;;
+  VERSION)
+    notice "$from" $'\x01'"VERSION rowbot v2"$'\x01'
+  esac
+
+  return 1
+}
+
+hook_post_PRIVMSG_markov() {
+  if [[ ! -v markov_chains[@] ]]; then
+    return 0
+  elif [[ ${to:0:1} = \# && ${enabled[$to]} != yes ]]; then
+    return 0
+  elif (( ${#action_args[@]} < 3 )); then
+    return 0
+  fi
+
+  local idx key
+
+  for (( idx = 0; idx < ${#action_args[@]} - 2; idx++ )); do
+    key="${action_args[$idx]} ${action_args[$idx + 1]}"
+
+    if [[ -z ${markov_chains[$key]} ]]; then
+      markov_chains[$key]=${words[$idx + 2]}
+    else
+      markov_chains[$key]+=" ${words[$idx + 2]}"
+    fi
+  done
+}
+
+hook_cmd_markov() {
+  local keys idx key str chains next vals val_idx
+
+  if [[ ! -v markov_chains[@] ]]; then
+    if [[ $action = markov ]]; then
+      privmsg "$to" "markov chains are not enabled"
+    fi
+
+    return 0
+  fi
+
+  case $action in
+  enable)
+    if (( ${#action_args[@]} )); then
+      enabled[${action_args[0]}]=yes
+      privmsg "$to" "now recording ${action_args[0]}"
+    else
+      enabled[$to]=yes
+      privmsg "$to" "now recording $to"
+    fi
+    ;;
+  disable)
+    if (( ${#action_args[@]} )); then
+      enabled[${action_args[0]}]=no
+      privmsg "$to" "no longer recording ${action_args[0]}"
+    else
+      enabled[$to]=yes
+      privmsg "$to" "no longer recording $to"
+    fi
+    ;;
+  enabled\?)
+    if [[ ${to:0:1} != \# || ${enabled[$to]} = yes ]]; then
+      privmsg "$to" "yes, I am recording $to for markov chains."
+    else
+      privmsg "$to" "no, I am not recording $to for markov chains"
+    fi
+    ;;
+  markov)
+    keys=("${!markov_chains[@]}")
+    (( idx = RANDOM % ${#keys[@]} ))
+    key=${keys[$idx]} str=$key
+    chains=0
+
+    while [[ -v markov_chains[$key] ]] && (( chains++ < 100 )); do
+      read -ra vals <<< "${markov_chains[$key]}"
+      (( val_idx = RANDOM % ${#vals[@]} ))
+      next="$key ${vals[$val_idx]}" next=${next#* }
+      str+=" ${next#* }" key=$next
+    done
+
+    privmsg "$to" "$from: $str"
+  esac
+}
+
+hook_cmd_factoids() {
+  local key val facts msg
+
+  case $action in
+  is)
+    key=${action_line%% *}
+
+    if [[ $key = "$action_line" ]]; then
+      privmsg "$to" "$from: no fact provided"
+      return 0
+    fi
+
+    val=${action_line#"$key" }
+    privmsg "$to" "I'm sure I'll remember that."
+    mkdir -p "$fact_root"/"$to"
+    printf %s "$val" > "$fact_root"/"$to"/"$key"
+    ;;
+  isnt)
+    if [[ -f $fact_root/$to/$action_line ]]; then
+      privmsg "$to" "I forgot what that was anyways."
+      rm -f "$fact_root"/"$to"/"$action_line"
+    fi
+    ;;
+  ls)
+    facts=( "$fact_root"/"$to"/* )
+    privmsg "$to" "${facts[*]##*/}"
+    ;;
+  *)
+    if [[ -f $fact_root/$to/$action ]]; then
+      msg=$(<"$fact_root"/"$to"/"$action")
+
+      if [[ ${action_args[0]} = \> ]] && (( ${#action_args[@]} > 1 )); then
+        privmsg "$to" "${action_args[-1]}: $msg"
+      else
+        privmsg "$to" "$from: $msg"
+      fi
+    fi
+  esac
+}
+
+hook_cmd_sysroot() {
+  if [[ -d $sys_root && $action = sysfact ]]; then
+    local files=( "$sys_root"/* ) idx msg
+
+    if (( ${#files[@]} )); then
+      (( idx = RANDOM % ${#files[@]} ))
+      msg=$(<"${files[$idx]}")
+      privmsg "$to" "sysfact #$(( idx + 1 )): $msg"
+    fi
+  fi
+}
+
+hook_cmd_control_panel() {
+  if [[ $from != "$owner" && $dev != yes ]]; then
+    if [[ $action = @(raw|join|reload|level|dev|dev\?|trigger|cycle|dev) ]]; then
+      privmsg "$to" "$from is not in the sudoers file.  This incident will be reported."
+      info "security breach from %s in sector %s" "$from" "$to"
+    fi
+
+    return 0
+  fi
+
+  local channel key recording env_var reload_vars recipient msg
+
+  case $action in
+  raw)
+    info "%s is executing command: %s" "$from" "$action_line"
+    send "$action_line"
+    ;;
+  join)
+    for channel in "${action_args[@]}"; do
+      join "$channel"
+      privmsg "$to" "joined $channel"
+    done
+    ;;
+  reload)
+    if [[ -v markov_chains[@] ]]; then
+      for key in "${!enabled[@]}"; do
+        recording+=",$key=${enabled[$key]}"
+      done
+
+      export RECORDING=${recording#,}
+    fi
+
+    reload_vars=(
+      nick ident host level log log_fd alarm_pid tls_pid in_sock
+      out_sock sock_dir sys_root fact_root dev trigger registered
+      keep_trying desired_nick to overwrite
+    )
+
+    for env_var in "${reload_vars[@]}"; do
+      export "${env_var^^}"="${!env_var}"
+    done
+
+    if (( SECONDS > LORE_LONGEST_LIFE )); then
+      export LORE_LONGEST_LIFE=$SECONDS
+    fi
+
+    privmsg "$to" "reloading..."
+    exec "$0" --reload "${original_args[@]}"
+    ;;
+  level)
+    if is-log-level "${action_args[0]}"; then
+      level=${action_args[0],,}
+      privmsg "$to" "log level is now set to $level"
+    else
+      privmsg "$to" "${action_args[0]} is not a valid logging level"
+    fi
+    ;;
+  dev)
+    if [[ $dev = yes ]]; then
+      dev=no
+      privmsg "$to" "developer mode disabled"
+    else
+      dev=yes
+      privmsg "$to" "developer mode enabled"
+    fi
+    ;;
+  dev\?)
+    if [[ $dev = yes ]]; then
+      privmsg "$to" "developer mode is enabled"
+    else
+      privmsg "$to" "developer mode is disabled"
+    fi
+    ;;
+  trigger)
+    trigger=${action_args[0]}
+    privmsg "$to" "trigger is now '$trigger'"
+    ;;
+  cycle)
+    privmsg "$to" "cycling channel $to"
+    part "$to" "be right back!"
+    join "$to"
+    ;;
+  msg)
+    recipient=${action_line%% *}
+    msg=${action_line#"$recipient"* }
+    read -r msg <<< "$msg"
+    privmsg "$recipient" "$msg"
+    privmsg "$to" "sent message to $recipient"
+    ;;
+  dashboard|lore)
+    declare -p LORE_LONGEST_LIFE
+    privmsg "$to" "legend began on $(printf '%(%c)T' "$LORE_START_TIME")"
+    privmsg "$to" "this life began on $(printf '%(%c)T' "$LORE_THIS_RELOAD")"
+
+    if (( LORE_LONGEST_LIFE > SECONDS )); then
+      privmsg "$to" "longest life so far was $(seconds "$LORE_LONGEST_LIFE")"
+    else
+      privmsg "$to" "longest life so far is $(seconds "$SECONDS") (this one)"
+    fi
+
+    privmsg "$to" "lived $LORE_LIVES times"
+  esac
+}
+
+hook_post_433_alternick() {
+  if [[ -z $desired_nick && $registered = no ]]; then
+    desired_nick=${args[1]}
+    keep_trying=yes
+  fi
+}
+
+hook_post_NICK_alternick() {
+  if [[ ${args[0]} = "$desired_nick" ]]; then
+    keep_trying=no
+    info "obtained nick %s" "$desired_nick"
+  fi
+}
+
+###
+# driver
+###
+
+if [[ $reload = yes ]]; then
+  if [[ -v TO ]]; then
+    privmsg "$TO" done.
+    unset TO
+  else
+    info done.
+  fi
+else
+  registered=no
+  info "rowbot's pid is %d" "$BASHPID"
+  nick "$nick"
+  user "$ident" "$realname"
+fi
+
+# Always available:
+#   - from: name of the entity sending the message
+#   - ident: username of the entity sending the message
+#   - host: host of the entity sending the message
+#   - cmd: IRC command or numeric
+#   - args: array of arguments to the command
+
+# Available if `cmd` is set to "privmsg":
+#   - to: location to send the message back to
+
+# Additionally, if args[-1] starts with the trigger:
+#   - action: directive specified by the sender
+#   - action_line: data sent by the sender without the trigger or action
+#   - action_args: words sent by the sender without the trigger or action
+
+while recv line; do
+  args=( )
+  orig_line=$line
+
+  if [[ ${line:0:1} = : ]]; then
+    src=${line%% *} src=${src#:}
+    line=${line#:"$src"} line=${line# }
+    from=${src%@*} ident=${from#*!}
+    from=${from%!*} host=${src#*@}
+  fi
+
+  cmd=${line%% *}
+  line=${line#"$cmd"}
+  line=${line# }
+
+  while [[ $line ]]; do
+    if [[ ${line:0:1} = : ]]; then
+      args+=( "${line:1}" )
+      line=""
+    else
+      arg=${line%% *}
+      args+=( "$arg" )
+      line=${line#"$arg"} line=${line# }
+    fi
+  done
+
+  is_action=no
+
+  if [[ ${cmd^^} = PRIVMSG ]]; then
+    to=${args[0]} last=${args[-1]}
+
+    if [[ ${to:0:1} != \# ]]; then
+      to=$from
+    fi
+
+    if [[ $last = "$trigger"* ]]; then
+      is_action=yes
+      bot_score=$(is-bot)
+      action=${last#"$trigger"} action=${action%% *}
+      action_line=${last#"$trigger$action" }
+      read -r action_line <<< "$action_line"
+      read -ra action_args <<< "$action_line"
+      debug "bot score: %d" "$bot_score"
+    fi
+  fi
+
+  skip_handler=0
+
+  while IFS= read -r hook; do
+    "$hook"
+    (( skip_handler |= $? ))
+  done < <(compgen -A function "hook_pre_${cmd^^}_")
+
+  if has "on_${cmd^^}"; then
+    if (( ! skip_handler )); then
+      "on_${cmd^^}"
+    else
+      debug "handler for %s was skipped" "${cmd^^}"
+    fi
+  else
+   warn "unhandled line: %s" "$orig_line"
+  fi
+
+  while IFS= read -r hook; do
+    "$hook"
+  done < <(compgen -A function "hook_post_${cmd^^}_")
+
+  if [[ $is_action = yes ]] && (( bot_score < 40 )); then
+    while IFS= read -r hook; do
+      "$hook"
+    done < <(compgen -A function "hook_cmd_")
+  fi
+
+  unset to
+done