diff --git a/rowbot b/rowbot
index 9284cdf..893819a 100755
--- a/rowbot
+++ b/rowbot
@@ -1,190 +1,54 @@
 #!/usr/bin/env bash
 
 ###
-# lore
+# feature switch toggling
 ###
 
-#RELEASE_CODE=Bender
-#RELEASE_VER=1.0
-#RELEASE_NAME="Bender (Rowbot v1.0)"
-#RELEASE_DESC="A smol bot for remembering things"
-
-printf -v LORE_THIS_RELOAD '%(%s)T' -1
-
-if [[ ! -v LORE_START_TIME ]]; then
-  export LORE_START_TIME=$LORE_THIS_RELOAD
-fi
-
-if [[ ! -v LORE_LONGEST_LIFE ]]; then
-  export LORE_LONGEST_LIFE=0
-fi
-
-if [[ -v LORE_LIVES ]]; then
-  (( LORE_LIVES += 1 ))
-else
-  export LORE_LIVES=1
-fi
+shopt -s dotglob extglob lastpipe nullglob
 
 ###
-# switch toggler
-###
-
-shopt -s nullglob dotglob extglob
-
-###
-# logger
-###
-
-declare -A levels=(
-  [debug]=1 [info]=2
-  [warn]=3 [error]=4
-)
-
-log() {
-  if [[ -v LEVEL ]] && (( levels[$level] <= levels[$LEVEL] )); then
-    printf "%s: $1\n" "${LEVEL^^}" "${@:2}" >&"$log_fd"
-  fi
-}
-
-debug() {
-  LEVEL=debug log "$@"
-}
-
-info() {
-  LEVEL=info log "$@"
-}
-
-warn() {
-  LEVEL=warn log "$@"
-}
-
-error() {
-  LEVEL=error log "$@"
-}
-
-###
-# utilities
+# utility and helper functions
 ###
 
 has() {
-  hash "$1" 2>/dev/null
-}
-
-die() {
-  local status=1
-
-  if (( $# > 1 )) && [[ $1 = -s ]]; then
-    status=$2
-    shift
-    shift
+  if (( $# )); then
+    hash "$1" 2>/dev/null
+  else
+    return 1
   fi
-
-  error "$@"
-  exit "$status"
 }
 
-is-parent() {
+is_parent() {
   (( BASHPID == $$ ))
 }
 
-is-channel() {
-  [[ ${1:0:1} = \# ]]
-}
-
-is-bot() {
-  local score=0
-
-  if [[ ${args[-1]:0:3} = $'\xe2\x80\x8b' ]]; then
-    (( score += 100 ))
-  fi
-
-  if [[ $from = *-bot ]]; then
-    (( score += 30 ))
-  elif [[ $from = *bot ]]; then
-    (( score += 15 ))
-  fi
-
-  if [[ /$host/ = */bot/* ]]; then
-    (( score += 100 ))
-  fi
-
-  if [[ ${args[-1]} = '['*']' ]]; then
-    (( score += 20 ))
-  fi
-
-  printf %d "$score"
-}
-
-is-log-level() {
-  local level
-
-  for level in "${!levels[@]}"; do
-    if [[ ${1,,} = "$level" ]]; then
-      return 0
-    fi
-  done
-
-  return 1
-}
-
-seconds() {
-  local days hours minutes seconds time
-  (( days = $1 / 60 / 60 / 24 ))
-  (( hours = $1 / 60 / 60 % 24 ))
-  (( minutes = $1 / 60 % 60 ))
-  (( seconds = $1 % 60 ))
-
-  if (( days )); then
-    if (( days == 1 )); then
-      time="1 day"
-    else
-      time="$days day"
-    fi
-  fi
-
-  if (( hours )); then
-    if [[ $time ]]; then
-      time+=", "
-    fi
-
-    time+="$hours hour"
-
-    if (( hours > 1 )); then
-      time+=s
-    fi
-  fi
-
-  if (( minutes )); then
-    if [[ $time ]]; then
-      time+=", "
-    fi
-
-    time+="$minutes minute"
-
-    if (( minutes > 1 )); then
-      time+=s
-    fi
-  fi
-
-  if [[ $time ]]; then
-    time+=" and "
-  fi
-
-  time+="$seconds second"
-
-  if (( seconds > 1 )); then
-    time+=s
-  fi
-
-  printf -- %s "$time"
+is_reloaded() {
+  [[ $RELOADED = yes ]] || (( LORE_LIVES > 1 ))
 }
 
 ###
-# argument parser for parsing arguments
+# configure rowbot
 ###
 
-original_args=( "$@" )
+# default config
+
+declare -A config=(
+  # connection settings
+  [server]=irc.libera.chat [port]="" [tls]=no [client-cert]=""
+  # irc registration settings
+  [nick]=rowbot-dev [ident]=rowbot [realname]=rowbot [chan]=""
+  # bot control settings
+  [owner]="${USER:-uplime}" [trigger]=\` [dev]=yes
+  # log settings
+  [log]="" [overwrite]=no [log-level]=info
+)
+
+# parse command line arguments
+
 declare -A opts
+# This code is not used yet, but will be later.
+# shellcheck disable=SC2034
+cmd_line=( "${@:0}" )
 
 while (( $# )); do
   case $1 in
@@ -211,1008 +75,45 @@ while (( $# )); do
   shift
 done
 
-prog_args=( "$@" )
-
-###
-# default config
-###
-
-server=irc.libera.chat port=6667 tls=no client_cert=
-nick=rowbot-dev ident=rowbot realname=rowbot chan=
-trigger=\` fact_root=. reload=no level=info log_fd=1 log=
-sys_root=sysfacts owner=${USER:-uplime} dev=no markov_seed=
-overwrite=no
-
-###
-# apply custom config
-###
+# apply custom configuration files
 
 for file do
-  if [[ -f $file ]]; then
-    # These files are provided dynamically at run-time.
-    # shellcheck disable=SC1090
-    . "$file" # ha, dot file
-  else
-    die "could not locate config file %s" "$file"
+  # These files (if any) are provided dynamically at run-time.
+  # shellcheck disable=SC1090
+  . "$file" # ha, dot file
+done
+
+for setting in "${!config[@]}"; do
+  if [[ -v ${setting//-/_} ]]; then
+    declare -n setting_var=${setting//-/_}
+    config[$setting]=$setting_var
   fi
 done
 
-###
-# apply command line options
-###
+# apply command line arguments
 
-if [[ -v opts[tls] ]]; then
-  tls=${opts[tls]}
-fi
-
-# This is a false positive.
-# shellcheck disable=SC2102
-if [[ -v opts[level] ]]; then
-  if is-log-level "${opts[level]}"; then
-    level=${opts[level],,}
-  else
-    die "%s is not a valid logging level" "${opts[level]}"
-  fi
-fi
-
-if [[ $tls = yes ]]; then
+for setting in "${!config[@]}"; do
   # This is a false positive.
   # shellcheck disable=SC2102
-  if ! has socat; then
-    die "please install socat to use tls with rowbot."
-  elif [[ -v opts[client-cert] ]]; then
-    client_cert=${opts[client-cert]}
-  fi
-
-  port=6697
-fi
-
-config=(
-  server port nick ident realname chan trigger
-  fact_root reload dev log owner sys_root reload
-  markov_seed
-)
-
-for opt in "${config[@]}"; do
-  declare -n config_var=$opt
-  cmd_arg=${opt//_/-}
-
-  if [[ -v opts[$cmd_arg] ]]; then
-    # This variable is only used for assignment.
-    # shellcheck disable=SC2034
-    config_var=${opts[$cmd_arg]}
+  if [[ -v opts[$setting] ]]; then
+    config[$setting]=${opts[$setting]}
   fi
 done
 
-if [[ $log && $reload = no ]]; then
-  if [[ $overwrite = yes ]]; then
-    exec {log_fd}>"$log"
+# apply default port if one isn't provided
+
+if [[ -z ${config[port]} ]]; then
+  if [[ ${config[tls]} = yes ]]; then
+    config[port]=6697
   else
-    exec {log_fd}>>"$log"
+    config[port]=6667
   fi
 fi
 
-###
-# apply reloaded values
-###
+# cleanup
 
-if [[ $markov_seed ]]; then
-  if [[ -f $markov_seed ]]; then
-    debug "loading markov seed file"
-
-    declare -A markov_chains enabled
-    read -ra words < "$markov_seed"
-
-    for (( idx = 0; idx < ${#words[@]} - 2; idx++ )); do
-      key="${words[$idx]} ${words[$idx + 1]}"
-
-      if [[ -z ${markov_chains[$key]} ]]; then
-        markov_chains[$key]=${words[$idx + 2]}
-      else
-        markov_chains[$key]+=" ${words[$idx + 2]}"
-      fi
-    done
-  else
-    die "seed file does not exist: %s" "$markov_seed"
-  fi
-fi
-
-if [[ $reload = yes ]]; then
-  if [[ -v RECORDING ]]; then
-    IFS=, read -ra recording <<< "$RECORDING"
-
-    for pair in "${recording[@]}"; do
-      enabled[${pair%=*}]=${pair##*=}
-    done
-  fi
-
-  reload_vars=(
-    nick ident host level log log_fd alarm_pid tls_pid in_sock
-    out_sock sock_dir sys_root fact_root dev trigger registered
-    keep_trying desired_nick overwrite
-  )
-
-  for var in "${reload_vars[@]}"; do
-    env_var=${var^^}
-    declare -n reload_var=$var
-
-    if [[ -v $env_var ]]; then
-      # This variable is only used for assignment.
-      # shellcheck disable=SC2034
-      reload_var=${!env_var}
-    fi
-  done
-fi
+unset key file setting setting_var
 
 ###
-# process/resource management
+# initialization sequence
 ###
-
-cleanup() {
-  debug "reaping rowbot's children"
-
-  if [[ -v alarm_pid ]]; then
-    debug "killing alarm process (%d) from %d" "$alarm_pid" "$BASHPID"
-    kill "$alarm_pid"
-  fi
-
-  if [[ -v tls_pid ]]; then
-    debug "killing tls process (%d) from %d" "$tls_pid" "$BASHPID"
-    kill "$tls_pid"
-    rm -rf "$sock_dir"
-  fi
-
-  if [[ -v tls_pid || $tls = no ]]; then
-    exec {in_sock}>&- {out_sock}>&-
-
-    if (( log_fd != 1 )); then
-      exec {log_fd}>&-
-    fi
-  fi
-}
-
-if is-parent; then
-  trap cleanup EXIT
-fi
-
-alarm-handler() {
-  ping "row your bot gently down the stream"
-
-  if [[ $keep_trying = yes ]]; then
-    info "trying for %s again" "$desired_nick"
-    nick "$desired_nick"
-  fi
-}
-
-trap alarm-handler ALRM
-
-config-reload() {
-  local file key recording
-  info "received HUP signal"
-
-  for file in "${prog_args[@]}"; do
-    if [[ -f $file ]]; then
-      debug "loading config file %s" "$file"
-      # These files are provided dynamically at run-time.
-      # shellcheck disable=SC1090
-      . "$file"
-    else
-      die "could not locate config file %s" "$file"
-    fi
-  done
-
-  if (( log_fd != 1 )); then
-    debug "closing and re-opening log"
-    exec {log_fd}>&-
-
-    if [[ $overwrite = yes ]]; then
-      exec {log_fd}>"$log"
-    else
-      exec {log_fd}>>"$log"
-    fi
-  fi
-
-  if [[ -v markov_chains[@] ]]; then
-    for key in "${!enabled[@]}"; do
-      # This is a scalar string, not an array.
-      # shellcheck disable=SC2179
-      recording+=",$key=${enabled[$key]}"
-    done
-
-    export RECORDING=${recording#,}
-  fi
-
-  reload_vars=(
-    nick ident host level log log_fd alarm_pid tls_pid in_sock
-    out_sock sock_dir sys_root fact_root dev trigger registered
-    keep_trying desired_nick overwrite
-  )
-
-  for env_var in "${reload_vars[@]}"; do
-    export "${env_var^^}"="${!env_var}"
-  done
-
-  if (( SECONDS > LORE_LONGEST_LIFE )); then
-    export LORE_LONGEST_LIFE=$SECONDS
-  fi
-
-  info "reloading rowbot"
-  exec "$0" --reload "${original_args[@]}"
-}
-
-trap config-reload HUP
-
-###
-# net code
-###
-
-if [[ $reload = no && $tls = yes ]]; then
-  sock_dir=$(mktemp -d)
-  mkfifo "$sock_dir"/rb{in,out}
-
-  if [[ $client_cert ]]; then
-    if [[ ! -f $client_cert ]]; then
-      die "client certificate not found: %s" "$client_cert"
-    fi
-
-    conn_args=OPENSSL:$server:$port,cert=$client_cert
-  else
-    conn_args=OPENSSL:$server:$port
-  fi
-
-  socat "$conn_args" - <"$sock_dir"/rbin >"$sock_dir"/rbout &
-  tls_pid=$!
-  exec {out_sock}>"$sock_dir"/rbin {in_sock}<"$sock_dir"/rbout
-  debug "created tls connection (pid %d)" "$tls_pid"
-elif [[ $reload = no ]]; then
-  exec {sock}<>/dev/tcp/"$server"/"$port"
-  in_sock=$sock out_sock=$sock
-  debug "created plaintext connection"
-fi
-
-send() {
-  local fmt
-  # As this is a printf wrapper, the format string is provided as an argument.
-  # shellcheck disable=SC2059
-  printf -v fmt "$1" "${@:2}"
-  printf '%s\r\n' "$fmt" >&"$out_sock"
-  debug "sending line: %s" "$fmt"
-}
-
-recv() {
-  declare -n sock_line=$1
-  IFS= read -r "$1" <&"$in_sock"
-  sock_line=${sock_line%$'\r'}
-  debug "received line: %s" "$sock_line"
-}
-
-###
-# irc recv code
-###
-
-on_ERROR() {
-  error "${args[0]}"
-  exit
-}
-
-on_JOIN() {
-  info "%s has joined %s" "$from" "${args[0]}"
-}
-
-on_KICK() {
-  if (( ${#args[@]} == 3 )); then
-    info "%s has kicked %s from %s: %s" "$from" "${args[1]}" "${args[0]}" "${args[-1]}"
-  else
-    info "%s has kicked %s from %s" "$from" "${args[1]}" "${args[0]}"
-  fi
-}
-
-on_MODE() {
-  if (( ${#args[@]} == 2 )); then
-    info "%s sets mode(s) %s on %s" "$from" "${args[1]}" "${args[0]}"
-  elif (( ${#args[@]} > 2 )); then
-    info "%s: %s sets mode(s) %s" "${args[0]}" "$from" "${args[*]:1}"
-  fi
-}
-
-on_NICK() {
-  if [[ $from = "$nick" ]]; then
-    nick=${args[0]}
-  fi
-
-  info "%s has changed their name to %s" "$from" "${args[0]}"
-}
-
-on_NOTICE() {
-  info "[%s/%s] %s" "$from" "${args[0]}" "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_PART() {
-  if (( ${#args[@]} > 1 )); then
-    info "%s has left %s: %s" "$from" "${args[0]}" "${args[1]}"
-  else
-    info "%s has left %s" "$from" "${args[0]}"
-  fi
-}
-
-on_PING() {
-  pong "${args[1]}"
-  debug "received ping: %s" "${args[0]}"
-}
-
-on_PONG() {
-  debug "received pong: %s" "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_PRIVMSG() {
-  info "<%s/%s> %s" "$from" "${args[0]}" "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_TOPIC() {
-  info "%s has changed the topic for %s: %s" "$from" "${args[0]}" "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_QUIT() {
-  info "%s has disconnected: %s" "$from" "${args[0]}"
-}
-
-on_001() {
-  info %s "${args[1]}"
-
-  if [[ $chan ]]; then
-    join "$chan"
-  fi
-
-  {
-    debug "timer pid is %d" "$BASHPID"
-
-    while true; do
-      kill -ALRM "$$"
-      sleep 10
-    done
-  } &
-
-  alarm_pid=$!
-  nick=${args[0]}
-  registered=yes
-  who "$nick" %%uht,42
-}
-
-on_002() {
-  info %s "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_003() {
-  info %s "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_004() {
-  debug "%s " "${args[@]:1}"
-}
-
-declare -A isupport
-
-on_005() {
-  local param key value
-
-  for param in "${args[@]:1:${#args[@]}-2}"; do
-    # This is a valid assignment, not a comparison.
-    # shellcheck disable=SC1097
-    IFS== read -r key value <<< "$param"
-    # While isupport is unused, it's still there in case later code wants to
-    # use it.
-    # shellcheck disable=SC2034
-    isupport[$key]=$value
-    debug "isupport: %s = %s" "$key" "$value"
-  done
-}
-
-on_250() {
-  info %s "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_251() {
-  info %s "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_252() {
-  info "There are %d operators online" "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_253() {
-  info "There are %d unknown connections" "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_254() {
-  info "There are %d channels formed" "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_255() {
-  info %s "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_265() {
-  info %s "${args[3]}"
-}
-
-on_266() {
-  info %s "${args[3]}"
-}
-
-on_315() {
-  debug "end of WHO for %s" "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_332() {
-  info "topic for %s is %s" "${args[1]}" "${args[2]}"
-}
-
-on_333() {
-  local date
-  printf -v date '%(%c)T' "${args[3]}"
-  info "topic for %s set by %s at %s" "${args[1]}" "${args[2]}" "$date"
-}
-
-on_353() {
-  info "members of %s: %s" "${args[2]}" "${args[3]}"
-}
-
-on_354() {
-  if (( args[1] == 42 )); then
-    debug "received the identifying who"
-    ident=${args[2]} host=${args[3]}
-    debug "ident=%s host=%s" "$ident" "$host"
-  fi
-}
-
-on_366() {
-  debug "%s: end of NAMES list" "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_372() {
-  info %s "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_375() {
-  debug %s "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_376() {
-  debug %s "${args[1]}"
-}
-
-on_433() {
-  info "somebody is already using %s" "${args[1]}"
-
-  if [[ $registered = no ]]; then
-    nick "${nick}_"
-  fi
-}
-
-on_438() {
-  error "${args[1]} couldn't change their nick to ${args[2]}: ${args[-1]}"
-}
-
-on_473() {
-  error "%s: %s" "${args[1]}" "${args[2]}"
-}
-
-###
-# irc send code
-###
-
-join() {
-  send "JOIN %s" "$1"
-}
-
-nick() {
-  send "NICK %s" "$1"
-}
-
-notice() {
-  if [[ -v host ]]; then
-    local msg_len msg=$2
-    (( msg_len = 494 - (${#nick} + ${#ident} + ${#host} + ${#1}) ))
-    debug "max message length is %d" "$msg_len"
-
-    while (( ${#msg} > msg_len )); do
-      send "NOTICE %s :"$'\xe2\x80\x8b'"%s" "$1" "${msg:0:$msg_len}"
-      info "[%s/%s] %s" "$nick" "$1" "${msg:0:$msg_len}"
-      msg=${msg:$msg_len}
-    done
-  fi
-
-  send "NOTICE %s :%s" "$1" "$2"
-  info "[%s/%s] %s" "$nick" "$1" "$2"
-}
-
-part() {
-  if (( $# )); then
-    if (( $# > 1 )); then
-      send "PART $1 :$2"
-    else
-      send "PART $1"
-    fi
-  fi
-}
-
-ping() {
-  send "PING :%s" "$1"
-}
-
-pong() {
-  send "PONG %s" "$1"
-}
-
-privmsg() {
-  if [[ -v host ]]; then
-    local msg_len msg=$2
-    (( msg_len = 493 - (${#nick} + ${#ident} + ${#host} + ${#1}) ))
-    debug "max message length is %d" "$msg_len"
-
-    while (( ${#msg} > msg_len )); do
-      send "PRIVMSG %s :"$'\xe2\x80\x8b'"%s" "$1" "${msg:0:$msg_len}"
-      info "<%s/%s> %s" "$nick" "$1" "${msg:0:$msg_len}"
-      msg=${msg:$msg_len}
-    done
-  fi
-
-  send "PRIVMSG %s :"$'\xe2\x80\x8b'"%s" "$1" "$msg"
-  info "<%s/%s> %s" "$nick" "$1" "$msg"
-}
-
-quit() {
-  if (( $# )); then
-    send "QUIT :%s" "$1"
-  else
-    send QUIT
-  fi
-}
-
-user() {
-  send "USER %s 0 * :%s" "$ident" "$realname"
-}
-
-who() {
-  if (( $# > 1 )); then
-    send "WHO %s %s" "$1" "$2"
-  else
-    send "WHO %s" "$1"
-  fi
-}
-
-###
-# app hooks
-###
-
-hook_pre_PRIVMSG_nolog() {
-  local words
-  read -ra words <<< "${args[-1]}"
-
-  if [[ ${words[0]} = "[nolog]" || ${words[0]} = nolog: ]]; then
-    info "this message was redacted"
-    return 1
-  else
-    return 0
-  fi
-}
-
-hook_pre_PRIVMSG_CTCP() {
-  if [[ ${args[1]} != $'\x01'*$'\x01' ]]; then
-    return 0
-  fi
-
-  local cmd msg
-  cmd=${args[1]#$'\x01'} cmd=${cmd%% *}
-  msg=${args[1]#* } msg=${msg%$'\x01'}
-
-  if [[ ${cmd^^} = ACTION ]]; then
-    if [[ ${args[0]:0:1} = \# ]]; then
-      info "ctcp: %s: %s %s" "${args[0]}" "$from" "$msg"
-    else
-      info "privately, %s %s" "$from" "$msg"
-    fi
-
-    return 1
-  elif [[ ${args[0]:0:1} = \# ]]; then
-    info "ctcp: %s has requested %s in %s" "$from" "${cmd^^}" "${args[0]}"
-    return 1
-  fi
-
-  info "ctcp: sending %s to %s" "${cmd^^}" "$from"
-
-  case ${cmd^^} in
-  CLIENTINFO)
-    notice "$from" $'\x01'"CLIENTINFO ACTION CLIENTINFO PING SOURCE TIME VERSION"$'\x01'
-    ;;
-  PING)
-    local msg
-    msg=${args[1]#* } msg=${msg%$'\x01'}
-    notice "$from" $'\x01'"PING $msg"$'\x01'
-    ;;
-  SOURCE)
-    notice "$from" $'\x01'"SOURCE https://github.com/uplime/rowbot"$'\x01'
-    ;;
-  TIME)
-    notice "$from" $'\x01'"TIME time for you to get a watch"$'\x01'
-    ;;
-  VERSION)
-    notice "$from" $'\x01'"VERSION rowbot v2"$'\x01'
-  esac
-
-  return 1
-}
-
-hook_post_PRIVMSG_markov() {
-  if [[ ! -v markov_chains[@] ]]; then
-    return 0
-  elif [[ ${to:0:1} = \# && ${enabled[$to]} != yes ]]; then
-    return 0
-  elif (( ${#action_args[@]} < 3 )); then
-    return 0
-  fi
-
-  local idx key
-
-  for (( idx = 0; idx < ${#action_args[@]} - 2; idx++ )); do
-    key="${action_args[$idx]} ${action_args[$idx + 1]}"
-
-    if [[ -z ${markov_chains[$key]} ]]; then
-      markov_chains[$key]=${words[$idx + 2]}
-    else
-      markov_chains[$key]+=" ${words[$idx + 2]}"
-    fi
-  done
-}
-
-hook_cmd_markov() {
-  local keys idx key str chains next vals val_idx
-
-  if [[ ! -v markov_chains[@] ]]; then
-    if [[ $action = markov ]]; then
-      privmsg "$to" "markov chains are not enabled"
-    fi
-
-    return 0
-  fi
-
-  case $action in
-  enable)
-    if (( ${#action_args[@]} )); then
-      enabled[${action_args[0]}]=yes
-      privmsg "$to" "now recording ${action_args[0]}"
-    else
-      enabled[$to]=yes
-      privmsg "$to" "now recording $to"
-    fi
-    ;;
-  disable)
-    if (( ${#action_args[@]} )); then
-      enabled[${action_args[0]}]=no
-      privmsg "$to" "no longer recording ${action_args[0]}"
-    else
-      enabled[$to]=yes
-      privmsg "$to" "no longer recording $to"
-    fi
-    ;;
-  enabled\?)
-    if [[ ${to:0:1} != \# || ${enabled[$to]} = yes ]]; then
-      privmsg "$to" "yes, I am recording $to for markov chains."
-    else
-      privmsg "$to" "no, I am not recording $to for markov chains"
-    fi
-    ;;
-  markov)
-    keys=("${!markov_chains[@]}")
-    (( idx = RANDOM % ${#keys[@]} ))
-    key=${keys[$idx]} str=$key
-    chains=0
-
-    while [[ -v markov_chains[$key] ]] && (( chains++ < 100 )); do
-      read -ra vals <<< "${markov_chains[$key]}"
-      (( val_idx = RANDOM % ${#vals[@]} ))
-      next="$key ${vals[$val_idx]}" next=${next#* }
-      str+=" ${next#* }" key=$next
-    done
-
-    privmsg "$to" "$from: $str"
-  esac
-}
-
-hook_cmd_factoids() {
-  local key val facts msg
-
-  case $action in
-  is)
-    key=${action_line%% *}
-
-    if [[ $key = "$action_line" ]]; then
-      privmsg "$to" "$from: no fact provided"
-      return 0
-    fi
-
-    val=${action_line#"$key" }
-    privmsg "$to" "I'm sure I'll remember that."
-    mkdir -p "$fact_root"/"$to"
-    printf %s "$val" > "$fact_root"/"$to"/"$key"
-    ;;
-  isnt)
-    if [[ -f $fact_root/$to/$action_line ]]; then
-      privmsg "$to" "I forgot what that was anyways."
-      rm -f "$fact_root"/"$to"/"$action_line"
-    fi
-    ;;
-  ls)
-    facts=( "$fact_root"/"$to"/* )
-    privmsg "$to" "${facts[*]##*/}"
-    ;;
-  *)
-    if [[ -f $fact_root/$to/$action ]]; then
-      msg=$(<"$fact_root"/"$to"/"$action")
-
-      if [[ ${action_args[0]} = \> ]] && (( ${#action_args[@]} > 1 )); then
-        privmsg "$to" "${action_args[-1]}: $msg"
-      else
-        privmsg "$to" "$from: $msg"
-      fi
-    fi
-  esac
-}
-
-hook_cmd_sysroot() {
-  if [[ -d $sys_root && $action = sysfact ]]; then
-    local files=( "$sys_root"/* ) idx msg
-
-    if (( ${#files[@]} )); then
-      (( idx = RANDOM % ${#files[@]} ))
-      msg=$(<"${files[$idx]}")
-      privmsg "$to" "sysfact #$(( idx + 1 )): $msg"
-    fi
-  fi
-}
-
-hook_cmd_control_panel() {
-  if [[ $from != "$owner" && $dev != yes ]]; then
-    if [[ $action = @(raw|join|reload|level|dev|dev\?|trigger|cycle|dev) ]]; then
-      privmsg "$to" "$from is not in the sudoers file.  This incident will be reported."
-      info "security breach from %s in sector %s" "$from" "$to"
-    fi
-
-    return 0
-  fi
-
-  local channel key recording env_var reload_vars recipient msg
-
-  case $action in
-  raw)
-    info "%s is executing command: %s" "$from" "$action_line"
-    send "$action_line"
-    ;;
-  join)
-    for channel in "${action_args[@]}"; do
-      join "$channel"
-      privmsg "$to" "joined $channel"
-    done
-    ;;
-  reload)
-    if [[ -v markov_chains[@] ]]; then
-      for key in "${!enabled[@]}"; do
-        recording+=",$key=${enabled[$key]}"
-      done
-
-      export RECORDING=${recording#,}
-    fi
-
-    reload_vars=(
-      nick ident host level log log_fd alarm_pid tls_pid in_sock
-      out_sock sock_dir sys_root fact_root dev trigger registered
-      keep_trying desired_nick to overwrite
-    )
-
-    for env_var in "${reload_vars[@]}"; do
-      export "${env_var^^}"="${!env_var}"
-    done
-
-    if (( SECONDS > LORE_LONGEST_LIFE )); then
-      export LORE_LONGEST_LIFE=$SECONDS
-    fi
-
-    privmsg "$to" "reloading..."
-    exec "$0" --reload "${original_args[@]}"
-    ;;
-  level)
-    if is-log-level "${action_args[0]}"; then
-      level=${action_args[0],,}
-      privmsg "$to" "log level is now set to $level"
-    else
-      privmsg "$to" "${action_args[0]} is not a valid logging level"
-    fi
-    ;;
-  dev)
-    if [[ $dev = yes ]]; then
-      dev=no
-      privmsg "$to" "developer mode disabled"
-    else
-      dev=yes
-      privmsg "$to" "developer mode enabled"
-    fi
-    ;;
-  dev\?)
-    if [[ $dev = yes ]]; then
-      privmsg "$to" "developer mode is enabled"
-    else
-      privmsg "$to" "developer mode is disabled"
-    fi
-    ;;
-  trigger)
-    trigger=${action_args[0]}
-    privmsg "$to" "trigger is now '$trigger'"
-    ;;
-  cycle)
-    privmsg "$to" "cycling channel $to"
-    part "$to" "be right back!"
-    join "$to"
-    ;;
-  msg)
-    recipient=${action_line%% *}
-    msg=${action_line#"$recipient"* }
-    read -r msg <<< "$msg"
-    privmsg "$recipient" "$msg"
-    privmsg "$to" "sent message to $recipient"
-    ;;
-  dashboard|lore)
-    privmsg "$to" "Legend began on $(printf '%(%c)T' "$LORE_START_TIME")"
-    privmsg "$to" "This life began on $(printf '%(%c)T' "$LORE_THIS_RELOAD")"
-
-    if (( LORE_LONGEST_LIFE > SECONDS )); then
-      privmsg "$to" "Longest life so far was $(seconds "$LORE_LONGEST_LIFE")"
-    else
-      privmsg "$to" "Longest life so far is $(seconds "$SECONDS") (this one)"
-    fi
-
-    if (( LORE_LIVES > 1 )); then
-      privmsg "$to" "Lived $LORE_LIVES times"
-    else
-      privmsg "$to" "Lived $LORE_LIVES time"
-    fi
-  esac
-}
-
-hook_post_433_alternick() {
-  if [[ -z $desired_nick && $registered = no ]]; then
-    desired_nick=${args[1]}
-    keep_trying=yes
-  fi
-}
-
-hook_post_NICK_alternick() {
-  if [[ ${args[0]} = "$desired_nick" ]]; then
-    keep_trying=no
-    info "obtained nick %s" "$desired_nick"
-  fi
-}
-
-hook_cmd_limes() {
-  local limes
-
-  case $action in
-  uplime)
-    (( limes = (RANDOM % 42) + 1 ))
-
-    if [[ $from = Time-Warp ]]; then
-      limes=42
-    fi
-
-    (( limeification = (limes * 100) / 42 ))
-    privmsg "$to" "$limes limes (limes to $limeification%)"
-  esac
-}
-
-###
-# driver
-###
-
-if [[ $reload = yes ]]; then
-  if [[ -v TO ]]; then
-    privmsg "$TO" done.
-    unset TO
-  else
-    info done.
-  fi
-else
-  registered=no
-  info "rowbot's pid is %d" "$BASHPID"
-  nick "$nick"
-  user "$ident" "$realname"
-fi
-
-# Always available:
-#   - from: name of the entity sending the message
-#   - ident: username of the entity sending the message
-#   - host: host of the entity sending the message
-#   - cmd: IRC command or numeric
-#   - args: array of arguments to the command
-
-# Available if `cmd` is set to "privmsg":
-#   - to: location to send the message back to
-
-# Additionally, if args[-1] starts with the trigger:
-#   - action: directive specified by the sender
-#   - action_line: data sent by the sender without the trigger or action
-#   - action_args: words sent by the sender without the trigger or action
-
-while recv line; do
-  args=( )
-  orig_line=$line
-
-  if [[ ${line:0:1} = : ]]; then
-    src=${line%% *} src=${src#:}
-    line=${line#:"$src"} line=${line# }
-    from=${src%@*} ident=${from#*!}
-    from=${from%!*} host=${src#*@}
-  fi
-
-  cmd=${line%% *}
-  line=${line#"$cmd"}
-  line=${line# }
-
-  while [[ $line ]]; do
-    if [[ ${line:0:1} = : ]]; then
-      args+=( "${line:1}" )
-      line=""
-    else
-      arg=${line%% *}
-      args+=( "$arg" )
-      line=${line#"$arg"} line=${line# }
-    fi
-  done
-
-  is_action=no
-
-  if [[ ${cmd^^} = PRIVMSG ]]; then
-    to=${args[0]} last=${args[-1]}
-
-    if [[ ${to:0:1} != \# ]]; then
-      to=$from
-    fi
-
-    if [[ $last = "$trigger"* ]]; then
-      is_action=yes
-      bot_score=$(is-bot)
-      action=${last#"$trigger"} action=${action%% *}
-      action_line=${last#"$trigger$action" }
-      read -r action_line <<< "$action_line"
-      read -ra action_args <<< "$action_line"
-      debug "bot score: %d" "$bot_score"
-    fi
-  fi
-
-  skip_handler=0
-
-  while IFS= read -r hook; do
-    "$hook"
-    (( skip_handler |= $? ))
-  done < <(compgen -A function "hook_pre_${cmd^^}_")
-
-  if has "on_${cmd^^}"; then
-    if (( ! skip_handler )); then
-      "on_${cmd^^}"
-    else
-      debug "handler for %s was skipped" "${cmd^^}"
-    fi
-  else
-   warn "unhandled line: %s" "$orig_line"
-  fi
-
-  while IFS= read -r hook; do
-    "$hook"
-  done < <(compgen -A function "hook_post_${cmd^^}_")
-
-  if [[ $is_action = yes ]] && (( bot_score < 40 )); then
-    while IFS= read -r hook; do
-      "$hook"
-    done < <(compgen -A function "hook_cmd_")
-  fi
-
-  unset to
-done