diff --git a/happybot/act-ignore.txt b/happybot/act-ignore.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..fed3023
--- /dev/null
+++ b/happybot/act-ignore.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,2 @@
+time
+tz
diff --git a/happybot/act.sh b/happybot/act.sh
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..2539224
--- /dev/null
+++ b/happybot/act.sh
@@ -0,0 +1,55 @@
+#!/usr/bin/env ash
+
+. /home/zgrep/offtopiabday/happybot/common.sh
+
+irc | while read -r n m; do
+	m=$(var "$m" | sed 's/[^][A-Za-z0-9\\\-{}^|_` ]//g');
+	var "$m";
+	if reg '^(?:[hH][aA][pP][pP][yY]|[hH][aA][tT][eE])[bB][oO][tT] (\S+) (\S+)$' "$m" && ! grep -Fxq -- "$(m 1 | tr 'A-Z' 'a-z')" happybot/act-ignore.txt; then
+		echo "$n requested that I do '$(m 1)' to '$(m 2)'.";
+		a=$(var "$(m 1)" | tr 'A-Z' 'a-z' | sed 's/[^a-z ]//g')
+		if [ -z "$a" ]; then
+			var "$n: You're not using me properly. :(" | zwsp | say;
+		elif [ "$a" == "zwsp" ]; then
+			echo "Ignoring zwsp request.";
+		else
+			case "$(m 2)" in
+				"happybot" | "hatebot" | "yourself" | "you" | "thyself" )
+					if [ -e /home/zgrep/offtopiabday/hateweekfile ]; then
+						n="hatebot";
+					else
+						n="happybot";
+					fi
+					;;
+				"me")
+					# Same person.
+					;;
+				"someone" | "anyone" | "anybody" | "somebody")
+					n="$(person)";
+					;;
+				"everybody" | "everyone" | "all")
+					n="$chan"
+					;;
+				"errybody" | "erryone")
+					n="erry"
+					;;
+				*)
+					n="$(m 2)";
+					;;
+			esac;
+			f="happybot/msgs/$a.sh";
+			if [ -e "$f" ]; then
+				sh happybot/msgs/$a.sh "$n" "$chan" > /tmp/tmpact.txt;
+				f="/tmp/tmpact.txt";
+			else
+				f="happybot/msgs/$a.txt";
+				if [ ! -e "$f" ]; then
+					f="happybot/msgs/_.txt";
+				fi;
+			fi;
+			N=$(var "$n" | tr 'a-z' 'A-Z');
+			m=$(rand "$f"); m='var "'"$m"'"'; m=$(eval "$m");
+			var "$m" | zwsp | say;
+		fi;
+	fi;
+done;
diff --git a/happybot/common.sh b/happybot/common.sh
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..475ed06
--- /dev/null
+++ b/happybot/common.sh
@@ -0,0 +1,67 @@
+#!/usr/bin/env ash
+
+chan="$1";
+serv="irc.freenode.net";
+cd "/home/zgrep/offtopiabday" || exit 1;
+
+var() { printf '%s\n' "$1"; }
+say() { cat - > "$serv/$chan/in"; }
+alias safe="sed 's%^/%//%'"
+log="$serv/$chan/out";
+
+irc() {
+	tail -0 -f "$serv/$chan/out" | while read -r l; do
+		var "$l" | sed 's/^[^<]*<//' | sed 's/>//';
+	done;
+}
+
+reg() {
+	r=$(var "$1" | sed 's%/%\\\/%g');
+	r=$(var "$2" | perl -ne '@m=m/'"$r"'/ or exit 1;printf join "\n", @m');
+}
+hreg() {
+	reg "$(var "$1" | sed 's/happybot/(?:[hH][aA][pP][pP][yY]|[hH][aA][tT][eE])[bB][oO][tT]/g')" "$2"
+}
+m() { var "$r" | sed -n "$1p"; }
+
+zwsp=$(python3 -c 'print("\u200b",end="")');
+zwsp() { cat - | sed 's%^\(/m \)\?%\1'"$zwsp"'%'; }
+
+nth() {
+	case "$1" in
+		"11" | "12" | "13")
+			var "${1}th";
+			;;
+		*"1")
+			var "${1}st";
+			;;
+		*"2")
+			var "${1}nd";
+			;;
+		*"3")
+			var "${1}rd";
+			;;
+		*)
+			var "${1}th";
+			;;
+	esac;
+}
+
+s() {
+	if [ "$1" == "1" ]; then
+		var "";
+	else
+		var "s";
+	fi;
+}
+
+ns() { var "$1$(s "$1")"; }
+
+rand() {
+	if [ -z "$1" ]; then f="-"; else f="$1"; fi
+	perl -e 'srand; rand($.) < 1 && ($line = $_) while <>; print $line;' "$f"
+}
+
+person() {
+	shuf -n100 "$serv/$chan/out" | grep -v -- '-!-' | rand | awk '{print$3}' | sed 's/^<\|>$//g';
+}
diff --git a/happybot/frog.sh b/happybot/frog.sh
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..84b2a8b
--- /dev/null
+++ b/happybot/frog.sh
@@ -0,0 +1,35 @@
+#!/usr/bin/env ash
+
+. /home/zgrep/offtopiabday/happybot/common.sh
+
+
+irc | while read -r n m; do
+#	if reg '^¡(([RrFf]|[Ss][Pp])[Rr][Oo][Gg]|[Gg][Oo][Rr]([Pp][Ss]|[RrFf]))$' "$m"; then
+	if reg '^!(([RrFf]|[Ss][Pp])[Rr][Oo][Gg]|[Gg][Oo][Rr]([Pp][Ss]|[RrFf]))$' "$m"; then
+		l=$(var "$(m 1)" | tr 'A-Z' 'a-z');
+
+		s=$(var "$(m 1)" | sed 's/[A-Z]/\\U\\#/g' | sed 's/[a-z]/\\L\\#/g');
+		s=$(printf '%s' "$s" | tr '#' '\n' | awk '{print$0 NR}' | tr -d '\n');
+		p=$(var "$(m 1)" | sed 's/./\\(\.\\)/g'); w=$(var "$(m 1)" | sed 's/./ /g');
+
+		f=$(curl -s 'https://frog.tips/api/1/tips/' | jq -r '.tips[0].tip');
+
+		if [ "$l" == "sprog" ] || [ "$l" == "gorps" ]; then
+			f=$(var "$f" | sed 's/FROG/TADPOLE/g');
+		fi;
+
+		rainbow='5 4 7 8 9 3 11 10 12 2 6 13';
+		if [ "$l" == "gorf" ] || [ "$l" == "gorr" ] || [ "$l" == "gorps" ]; then
+			rainbow='13 6 2 12 10 11 3 9 8 7 4 5';
+			f=$(var "$f" | rev);
+		fi;
+
+		f=$(var "$f$w" | sed 's/'"$p"'/'"$s"'/g' | sed 's/ *$//');
+
+		if [ "$l" == "rrog" ] || [ "$l" == "gorr" ]; then
+			f=$(var "$f" | awk -v FS="" '{split("'"$rainbow"'",color," ");for (i=1;i<=NF;i++) print "\x03" color[(1+(i-1)%length(color))] $i}' | tr -d '\n');
+		fi;
+
+		var "$f" | zwsp | say;
+	fi;
+done;
diff --git a/happybot/happy.sh b/happybot/happy.sh
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..34364b0
--- /dev/null
+++ b/happybot/happy.sh
@@ -0,0 +1,9 @@
+#!/usr/bin/env ash
+
+. /home/zgrep/offtopiabday/happybot/common.sh
+
+irc | while read -r n m; do
+	if reg '^(happy|hate)bot[:,] :D$' "$m"; then
+		echo ":D" | say;
+	fi;
+done;
diff --git a/happybot/ichi.py b/happybot/ichi.py
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..5f6bdb1
--- /dev/null
+++ b/happybot/ichi.py
@@ -0,0 +1,24 @@
+#!/usr/bin/env python3
+
+import requests as rq
+from lxml import html
+
+from sys import argv
+if len(argv) != 2:
+    print('Not enough arguments. Bug zgrep.')
+    exit(1)
+
+q = argv[1]
+
+r = rq.get('http://ichi.moe/cl/qr/', params={'q': q})
+
+if r.status_code != 200:
+    print('Non-200 status code. Bug zgrep.')
+    exit()
+
+# tree
+t = html.fromstring(r.content)
+
+ichi = ''.join(t.xpath('//span[@class="ds-text"]//text()'))
+
+print(ichi)
diff --git a/happybot/ichi.sh b/happybot/ichi.sh
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..4c2575d
--- /dev/null
+++ b/happybot/ichi.sh
@@ -0,0 +1,9 @@
+#!/usr/bin/env ash
+
+. /home/zgrep/offtopiabday/happybot/common.sh
+
+irc | while read -r n m; do
+	if reg '^(happy|hate)bot[:,] ichi (.*)' "$m"; then
+		python3 happybot/ichi.py "$(m 2)" | say;
+	fi;
+done;
diff --git a/happybot/ok.sh b/happybot/ok.sh
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..56fa70e
--- /dev/null
+++ b/happybot/ok.sh
@@ -0,0 +1,14 @@
+#!/usr/bin/env ash
+
+. /home/zgrep/offtopiabday/happybot/common.sh
+
+esc() { echo -n '/s '; cat -; }
+
+irc | while read -r n m; do
+	if reg '^[o][kK]: ?(.*)' "$m"; then
+		var "$(m 1)";
+	fi;
+done | ok/ircrepl.js | while read -r l; do
+	var "$l" | zwsp | esc | say;
+	sleep 0.2;
+done;
diff --git a/happybot/react.sh b/happybot/react.sh
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..28d93b6
--- /dev/null
+++ b/happybot/react.sh
@@ -0,0 +1,11 @@
+#!/usr/bin/env ash
+
+. /home/zgrep/offtopiabday/happybot/common.sh
+
+irc | while read -r n m; do
+if reg '^\x01ACTION (.*?)(?:[hH][aA][pP][pP][yY]|[hH][aA][tT][eE])[bB][oO][tT](.*)\x01$' "$m"; then
+	if [[ "$n" != "happybot" ]] && [[ "$n" != "hatebot" ]]; then
+		var "/m $(m 1)$n$(m 2)" | say;
+	fi;
+fi;
+done;
diff --git a/happybot/zwsp.sh b/happybot/zwsp.sh
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..1af4a75
--- /dev/null
+++ b/happybot/zwsp.sh
@@ -0,0 +1,9 @@
+#!/usr/bin/env ash
+
+. /home/zgrep/offtopiabday/happybot/common.sh
+
+irc | while read -r n m; do
+	if reg '^(happy|hate)bot[:,] zwsp' "$m"; then
+		echo "${zwsp}zero-width space protocol: http://ayu.smar.fi:7070/0/zwsp" | say;
+	fi;
+done;